Bowling, pool, car racing

Yesterday went to this bowling place near church. Ke You, Mark, Max, Roger, Vincent, Ashim, Aaron, Cai Sheng, Christy, Macy & I were all there. We bowled, pool, car raced.

All credits for GREAT pics to Macy, my babe. :)

Leaving for Paris in 7 more hours. I wanna go retreat! ): Oh this morning I wrote 3 poems. I wrote one dedicating it to Anna. I showed her my work piece. She went super high especially the one she read about her hahha! :D && we were the noisiest and most hyper peeps there! hahaha! :D

Autumn is finally here. A beautiful season.

I love you, yes I simply do.♥
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This coming week is exam period for Singapore. Jia yous everyone! :D Leaving for Paris in the early morning on Monday. I promise to buy stuff back. :) I wanna go to retreat... Oh gosh, I'm so lazy to blog today. Just came back from cell and I love ANNA LING. :D Oh and her sister, is MAXIMUM cuteness! :D

I love mummy.

♥ I love my mom. I really do. I am sorry mummy for the hard times you felt like eating knives and drinking your blood just cause of me. Well, I was one defiant, brat! Haha, Well I've learnt alot from those experiences right? You know me just oh too well mummy. You're more than a mom to me. You're like my happiness I see, comfort when I am sad, one who can see through my thoughts, feelings and emotions. You gave me freedom like cash from your pocket. You gave me my space when I needed a good cry. Cause you're the only one who's heart has beat together with mine in unity for 9months. Today after school, you saw me walking to the car. The first thing you said when I entered was, " Did you get a scolding from teacher today? Why are you looking so sad?" Honestly, its the feeling that comes whenever terrible things are gonna happen. You know me well. You know all my secrets. && One thing I regretted is, saying "I hate you" after you slapped me with the calendar last time. Well, I deserved it. :) But I truly am sorry for that D: I was really a monster? Haha. :D You really made me laugh everytime I need a good laugh. Thank you mummy. :) I love you.

Feelings of this heart.

I'm getting indescribable feeling again. Those that have been close to me know what it is. Yes, it means something is going to happen. Something unpleasant. Something hurtful. But not all the time it happened to me. Most of the time are my close friends..
Sometimes you wished you were being left alone in a corner under a window, in the dark. Sometimes you wished you were with your friends.. Sometimes you wished you could go back to the past, slap yourself hard and not let mistakes take place. Sometimes you wished you won't cry salty tears and get on with life. Sometimes you wished clocks and beeping would speed up. Sometimes you wished you could forget the hurts. Sometimes you wished you are recognised. Sometimes you wished you are someone else. Sometimes you wished you could not hear. Sometimes you wished you could be your old self. All these wishes. All these prayers. All these cries. All these words. Even though we scream all these in our heads, crush our hearts, or scream and cry. All we can do is look down, turn away and taste the black sea on our lips.
Sometimes I really do miss Singapore and all my friends, relatives and memories there. I've found the reason why. It's because everything is there. Everything there knows me well. Cause I'm comfortable there. Cause I understood my friends brilliantly well.
Coming to Shanghai was a huge stepping stone. It's because in Singapore, it's my comfort zone. Now that I was plucked out of my comfort zone, I guess I've found some answers why God has placed me here. He knew I would be more focused on Him here, Get away from my past. Move away from my fears. Grow. Realise what I've been hidden from in Singapore. Like I said, The Lord Gives and Takes Away. I guess it's His plan. My future. My life.

Just feeling so down.. Somethings gonna happen. I know something will.

I'm thankful some understanding close friends. Anna especially. Thank you for understanding me. It's like you're my soul sister.

sighs

You taught me that hurtful past was not the end.
You encouraged me cause you know I can.
You urged me to forgive,
forgive something I can't forget.

You knew my feelings.
You knew my tears.
You taught me sincerity,
cause this is not just serendipity.

You lost it today,
but you said it's okay.
Told me it's alright,
assured me and hugged me tight.

Thankyou for guiding me,
Cause I know you're God sent.
To make me forgive this important gift,
His treasure.
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Still super duper hyper since last night!
Can't stop laughing! :D
Cause I've found my light.
The light that God sent.
I'm thankful. Grateful. Feeling that warmth again. Moving on from the past. Ain't glued there anymore.

Today English class had mid term break test. :) Thankyou Mel for going through the whole passage with me. Teaching me there is more than this and looking ever so deep into just black words on white paper can be as deep as the ocean. What will I do if you are not on this earth? My grade for this test and all my lit test are all credited to you. Without you, I won't understand what it means. What it says, I will be wandering like a lost beggar looking for food and water in this busy streets through alleys and pest-filled bins. You widened my view for poetry. Made me understand and enjoy it. Made me continued my writing of creative words that paints the sky filled with rainbows stretching from the mountains to the valleys. Thank You HOCI! :D

Thankyou Cai Sheng for choco milk and pocky! HAHA! Certainly, you know me well, my best friend. :D

The past few days.

Have not been posting much lately.. Missing a day or two. Ain't that free anymore. Loads of happiness. Slight sadness. But always smiling and beaming for the world. Many questions. One Answer.

I'm finally moving on.

It's been months and could never find another guiding lamp out of that past. Yes, God is always so marvellous. He gives and takes away. He gave me a candle to hold now, as I continue with my life and not stay anymore. Though the candle shines with radience, part of the candle wax has been scratched. Because of it's own past. Now is just this route, this candle and I. Its the warmth I get. It's the glow I am blessed with from this special candle. 22nd September. The day I've acknowledge this candle as I carry along with me on this new route of life. Thank You God. Though the flame on the candle can be blown off when there is a strong gust or wind, but who says I can't light it back and be happy with this lited candle again? :) I love this special candle. && I'm thankful.

Today got caught for passing letters during chinese class to Cai Sheng. Sigh, took the long repremanding from Big belly teacher. I just stood there, looking down, closing my eyes and nod as she continues. At times I look out of the door, with huge guilty eyes, feeling down looking at Christy outside. How thankful I am she is there. She made me feel that I am alright cause she is there. Teacher asked me the reason for it. I stood there dumb. As silent as a lamb and trying to think of what to say. She then pass the letter to the head of department for Chinese. I'm thankful for him coming. God sure did sent him to save me. He took the letter and scroll through. I bet they can't really understand what we wrote. Friends says that they are from China, don't understand much english. I hope. He sat me down in his office, talked to me. I smiled. I felt this warm feeling in me calming my heart. He asked if he could keep the letter. I said, " NO!" He said, " Wei she mo wo bu ke yi shou ne?" I said," Ying wei.. Zhe shi hen PERSONAL de." He just gladly look at me, smiled and handed me the letter. I guess he gave me a chance again cause I'm new and it's my first time doing so. If it wasn't for him, I don't think I could ever speak again this day. I'm glad I took most of the scolding and not CS falling into this sand pit with me cause I started it. When I quickly scurry back to class, many asked me what happen. Just didn't feel like talking. Just felt very uneasy.

But Thank God for Jee Wai that he's in a jolly good mood today. His class really cheered me up. Thanks to Ashim for telling me the answer but Jee wai went," Hey! Are you MARILYN HO?" Ashim," Yes! I am Marilyn Ho erm.. erm.. What's your chinese name?" I started giggeling and said," Hui Juan!" And Roger, so blur handed up his LIGHTHOUSE instead of his homework. Jee wai," ROGER GENG! WHY DID YOU HAND UP YOUR LIGHTHOUSE TALE?" hahaha, the whole class started laughing. With Anna beside me, I felt happy again. Maths class really made me laugh. After that was CCA.

C&S today, watched a movie called pass it forward. Quite touching. :) While watching, I watched Harry beside me folding paper ball. Helping Amanda fold. After the show, compared hand sizes with Aaron, Amanda, Christy. Wow, & Marilyn's hand is always so small. Sigh. Feet too.. -.- I guess the day ended well. :)

Thankyou CS for the softtoy && Pokky. (:

Didn't know the pokky was for me ;x HAHA Cause Ashim said he found it on the floor. So I didn't want to take it but he put it under my desk anyways. So Told Anna about it. She wanted it cause she likes strawberry. So I let her have it. Only after school then we found out it was for me lols, :D But I don't really like strawberry ;x But thanks anyways CS. (:

I miss...

I miss:

• Singapore
• Australia
• Melanie
• Melissa
• Norman
• Chelsea
• Santi
• Crazy relatives in Auzzie
• BTPC FOM
• Camwhores
• The whole real me.
• Umi
• Mercy
• My old hamsters.
• Hua Guan && Memories
• My Winnie the pooh pjs ;x when I was little
• my baby pillow
• Pei Hwa
• FMSS
• St James Kindie
• Miss Kavitha
• Mrs Chee (bye)
• Bedok Ria
• Going out with Jia Man
• Grans && Gramps
• Vivian

&& Yes, It's this bad.

I can't wait for:

1. Nov so HOCI comes to visit.
2. Dec hols so can go back to auzzie.
3. Visit relatives there.
4. Grans and Gramps too.
5. Dec so Richelle comes.
6. Jan to go back to Singapore.
7. Visit Relatives in Singapore.
8. Go shopping with Jia Man.
9. Hopefully I can Go into PeiHwa
10. Visit FMSS
11. Go to BTPC
12. Visit Hua Guan
13. Visit Bedok Ria
14. Visit Chelsea
15. Hopefully by the time I go back, I am me again.
16. Camwhores with friends.

What that does not seem possible:

Visit Vivian. ( She's a doctor now, She's SELDOM free.)

Visit Santi, Umi, Mercy. I Don't know where on EARTH are they..

My baby pillow and hug it like I do when I was little and drag everywhere I went till I was force to throw it away when I was p5... ): By now, I think its rotting in the dumpster or underground somewhere where Singapore diposes rubbish...

My old hamsters, unless there is such thing as Hamster Heaven, I don't mind waiting till my final breath and visit them.

Visiting St. James Kindie. I don't think I can do that..):

Saturday Youth

I don't think I am going to SOAR247 anymore... ): Don't seem to have the time. So I decided to join Anna and Hilary at Sunday Youth instead. Since it's the same time as parent's service.

Mom: I think Marilyn should go for the Sunday youth. It's better.
Pops: But she will miss the service! && The pastor is better!
Me: What about my homework!!!!
Mom: Yeah! Marilyn needs her Saturdays to do Jee Wai's maths!
Pops: Hai.. Anything lah!

Haha. So yeah, good bye SOAR247 ): Hello Sunday youth.
Still doing math.. Need to do English, Geog, Hist, IT, Chinese Zuo Wen, Chem. Study for, Chem & Bio. Wow... HOORAY.

Homework

Oh, yesterday Jee Wai did not come. He had to do some pass thing. And we realised his handwriting so sooooo darn pretty and neat. Like some girl! Seriously, so darn neat. I'm in love with his handwriting can! I wantttt!!! Like small, clear and so round and cute mine is so fat, oval, big! HAHA! But atleast it's still neat ;x

I've got loads of homework to do.. Youth Soar 24/7 later, And I am still procrastinating to start my homework... Fine... I will do math & history first... I feel like a dehydrated human crawling in the dessert with torn clothes and worn out prune face. HAHA! :D

Yes, Camp Rock && Step up 2 ROCKS. I watched it yesterday on Anna's Creative Zen. HAHA && YES I CAN MULTI TASK! :D I was messaging and msn-ing. Not bad for someone who is terrible in muli tasking! :D

Questioning the heart.

Had fun at cellgroup as usual. HAHA :D
I've got dried mangoes cause I was the only one who did the "homework" Not bad huh? Marilyn So guai ;x hahaha. Oh so yummy. Shared with the rest haha. :D && Woah Stephanie that one, must great her with a 90 degree bow ok! She is like so darn smart. *claps claps* Oh and Anna IS the Best. Seriously haha! :D Again,

ANNA ROCKS, YES SHE DOES.

Haha She is lending me her Zen Creative filled with all the movies I am yet to watch inside until Monday. Ain't she awesome. :) Gosh, make up Saturday lesson next week... Oh bother.. ): But our MAJOR PLAN: Take shuttle bus from my compound to hers. Stay, go school, stay, go school, church, go home. But I think most likely we must postpone... Cause of the Saturday we have to go back haha. Oh boy...

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I am still attached to the past,

cause happiness pass so fast.

Hurts seems to take resident in the heart and last,

Why can't I forgive love and let the past rust?

Cause I am a fool,

without a clue.

I believe everything's true.

That's cause I'm a fool.

Why can't I give a chance?

Cause there is still trust to enhance.

Why can't I let anyone replace this?

Because this heart ain't his.

I shall give it just one more shot,

How much forgivness have I got?

Love, carry me away.

But please, I don't want to be the prey.

How much sincerity?

How much loyalty?

I wonder if you cared,

cause you made me really sad.

love's not my game,

It's something I can ever tame.

But boy will you please be my burning flame?

Cause you are different from others, not the same.

It's a poem I made not too long ago. HAHA. :) Has it's reasons and purpose why it's born. But they are all treasured and kept in this little heart of mine. (:

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Yes, Cause I truly do. :) Today, Christy, Macy,Christina and I went to ask if we could change to drama for our DVM. We could but... I felt sad for Miss ChanChan... I know she is trying her best... && Her class is quite pathetic.. Only got 18 people.. Christy & I then decided to just back out from changing... We decided to stay in music. Ashim, Christy & I decided to stay strong together in music haha. Oh yes!

ASHIM PAPA! :D

Oh and Anna is THEBEST. She is going to lend me her ipod tomorrow and I return her during cell. Ain't she great? (: Cause she has camp rock & she is going to let me watch it while I am at home hahaa. :D But still, I love her! (: I am insanely in love with windmills cause they are so pretty (as in those little ones. Not the thing used in open fields for harricanes! HAHA! :D) Oh and yes BALLOONS! (:

Cai Sheng (BOB) haha added me on msn. He asked me to guess who he was. I was like HUH!? So I asked Ashim LOL! :D He is really funny can! Cause all his English mistakes are pretty major haha. Which makes it funny! ;x hahha. :D & I am correcting him for spelling misakes HAHA! :D Seriously, funny! :D

The past that keeps coming back. It's sweet but hurts. I just can't seem to let it go. I can't let anyone into my heart because of that haunting memory. Why does it impact me so much? Why can't I forgive love again? Why can't I let go? I MUST learn to...

Shanghai Market

&& yes, I love nerds;

but! Those who has life and not only study!

Its like Singapore's china town. HAHA :D This was quite long ago. It was the second satuday since I touchdown in Shanghai.

HangZhou Pictures.

Today's pics, HangZhou pics. Shanhai pics next time. And more Hangzhou pics too.
All this pics are taken by MACY. Ain't she great? (:
Lunch time, SNACK TIME! :D Macy brought back loads of goodies from hk. We planned that whenever we went overseas, we bring back what we think is nice from that certain country. ANYONE UP FOR SOME PARIS SNACKS? :D

HangZhou. Still got loads more.. But too lazy! So many pics! So little time! D;

That guy, I love his writing. He is paralysed, but capable.
My dad gave him 5 yuan I think. I pei fu him! I wish I could

Write my Chinese and UNDERSTAND it like him.

My lovely BAH-YOON!

The Black out.