Game over.

I don't know about you but I'm done playing childish games with mindless lies.

"Forever" a word I've told you I never believed in and you proved me right. Once again. :) Don't we all love this game. So done with you thinking you've got the ball in your court because honey, you don't. You tell me one thing but do another, we are all watching in this theatre and shaking our heads in mockery and disappointment. Oh, just so you know I did give you plenty of chances, even these ones you asked for just to prove yourself. Oh, you proved yourself alright. You proved that you're nothing worth my time, attention or even breath anymore. Don't get me wrong, I've always cared but you never did. Go, take your ass-whip with you and be her little bitch. She's definitely right for you because she wears them pants well. We all love these games. I feel sorry for you... Only cause someone has to hah and you're the biggest loser here of the lot. Thanks for making me stronger. Goodbye.

Goodbye Summer

Ended summer with a boat party for Nicole and Mish's 21st. Probably one of the many amazing things to have happened to me this summer.

Looking back on this season, so much has changed. So many extremes of ups and downs. Loved and lost, losing myself entirely, my identity and not knowing who I am, feeling so torn between growing up and just living my age, people I meet and constantly associate with over this summer, exploring new places, seeing snow for the very first time and feeling very much alone with and without family.

I guess she's right, I'm better off alone. At least then, I'm not a 21 year old problem just leaching off at nights and being heavily misunderstood.

I've been roaming and wandering for a while now.
Gone out, have fun, felt "free", felt falsely invincible
but none of these can extinguish this anguish of reality.
My mind is in a land filled with alluring happiness that fades,
my heart has been shut away.

Been living in a land far far away, my eyes open but my soul not present.

I'm torn between "should" and "have". What am I doing? I wish an answer was ready because even I lack this vital information to maybe do something about all this. This mess I've found myself just floating in so willingly. I want to get out of this. I just don't know how. We are all going to get burned...

PRAY

Sitting here mid way of exams, I hear news about the world.
I see people change their profile pictures in hope to bring awareness.
We see this broken world come together over another unseen universe to show it's unity.
Pain.

When fire is ignited, it goes ablaze burning everything leaving a journey.
Tearing through towns, through hearts.
Hearts that cross this journey.
Revenge.

We get consumed, we react.
We get angry, we retaliate.
In bitterness we are blinded, our vision marred.
Avenge.

This planet is groaning in pain,
People turn to a God they dismiss when their hands are occupied.
Do we pray earnestly or toy with the word "prayer"?
Yearn.

A story of a girl in a broken world.

Arms of protectors 

Coming into this world, 
Pure cries and warm hearted. 
The first cry of living, 
Sliding into the arms of her protectors. 

 Innocent without blemish, 
Growing up with joy, 
People introduced, 
Sliding into the arms of her protectors. 

 People of different size and smiles. 
One smile in particular, 
She cautioned and trembled, 
Sliding into the arms of her protectors. 

 Interactions of different love and games. 
One memory in particular, 
She is wrecked and traumatised, 
Sliding out of the arms of her protectors. 

 Scarring with blemishes, 
Growing delusional they spit, 
People leave, 
Sliding out of the arms of her protectors. 

 Leaving this broken world, 
Stained cries and cold hearted. 
The last cry of justice, 
Sliding out of the arms of her protectors. 


This semester in uni we are heavily focusing on mental health because as a nurse, this is definitely something that you’d come into contact with even if you’re not in the mental health department or ward. We all know of someone that has a mental health issue and it’s all around. Personally, this has been something I had to come into contact with just a couple of years ago that has left a heavy weight in me. Emotionally and mentally.

All this talk about mental health so far has left me heavy hearted and leaving classes rather weighted only because I always think about this dear friend that I witnessed battle this issue. I’ve seen her at her worst and seen her in better days. Seen her in the ward and other people seeking help in there too. All clinging onto hope to one day get better. The chilling screams and the painful cries you hear ring through her door when I visited her in the hospital. Nightmares of the dearest just doing the unspeakable in my very room and not being able to sleep for the whole week because I had constant nightmares of her walking into my room, greeting me and proceeding to hang that tie up on my ceiling at the foot of my bed.

 However most of all, my heart goes out to victims who didn’t know any better when they were little. There was a story that my teacher told me that really unsettled me and I felt like at that point in time I could really be in her shoes and feel that fear, break down and Explosion of fear and helplessness. I felt like I really needed an outlet and wrote this poem during then. If you put a line in the middle of the poem, it’s a reflection comparison from the top to the bottom. The top is when she was slowly gaining independence and she has a sense of control whereas in the second half, there's this sense of helplessness and lost of control in her world until the very last line where she had no one now and she felt all alone and no one would take her seriously or listen...