Tell me oh my soul, why are you down cast?

I'm very excited for the future. For the things I can do, the time I will have as compared to this year and desires to reach goals. But really, among these excitement, fear and unsettledness is erupting...

Dino ear rings from Yi Lin! :)

Oh Lord, discipline my soul. I want to look up. I want to stay focused on you. My heart is deeply troubled as to how far I feel from you. I know it shouldn't be based on feelings but really, these feelings are indications that are acting as warning sirens as to the distance I have come. This year has been busy. Time that I have tried to set aside for you become time that I have idled away and I am sorry. Serving You is easy but fighting in this faith is hard. Who am I to demand for more time? Oh Lord, to You is where I want to run. To You is where I want to take shelter. I cry out for direction you provide but Lord, You spoil me with never ending love and I know the further I've gotten. To You I want to return, to You I want to take refuge. Why are my eyes gazing upon things that will fade? Clear them oh Lord, wipe these salt away and carry it's weight. Lord, I'm not happy with where I am. I'm not happy with who I've become. I've forgotten who I am. I've lost sight of my vision. To You I want to commit again, oh Lord, take these negativity and intensify them. Push me to my limits, amplify the pain if its a stepping stone for my growth in You because really Lord, I want to grow deeper in You. Take this hardened heart of mine and remould it. Burn everything that's not of You that's in me and multiply my passion for Your name. I want to extinguish every sinful nature I hold dear. I'm sorry Lord for the things that I've made. I'm sorry Lord for having half hearts and blinded eyes. Penetrate in me revealing every dark corner. Make me whole oh Lord, please. Lord, I will never be satisfied with anything of this temperer place because You Lord, are what I need. You Lord is who I want to seek. You are who I want to find. You Lord is the only One that would open the doors in this cold dark night. Be thou my vision, be thou the centre of my life. I'm coming back. I'm here.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On a lighter note... LEAVERS!!! :D

The time machine.

Birthdays are days that remind you that you indeed are a miracle, being alive.

Looking through photos, I found this. This was taken on my 15th birthday. My very first birthday I celebrated in Perth. A very very very quiet birthday that only 3 of us celebrated together since I barely knew anyone here in Perth. I was pretty bitter then as to having moved yet again. I didn't want anyone at school know simply because I'm the new kid. Have been at school for only barely 3 months and was still struggling with things physically left behind when really, mentally they were present. Looking back at how far I've come, how well I've settled in, I thank God for being with me through it all. For seeing me through the tough times. Its only after I came to Perth did I really start discovering and finding myself. 

As compared to this year, so many more I've met. So far I've come. It's the first time I planned something for my very own birthday. :) 3 Parties, Penrhos, OCF and Lynwood. 2 special cakes, many wonderful people I've met in this blessed place.

Lynwood:

I've grown, I've learnt many things and many people have come and gone but I'm not done yet.

"ONE WISH! WHAT WOULD IT BE!?" 
To live a life filled with humility, passion and love for Daddy God. The One who has seen me through and loved me even though I've hurt him so deeply before and in the future but my desire is to live a life that shines for Him.

10 more weeks till the final battle. The battle that will determine if I've meant what I've said, one shot to take that I should do my best, leave that desk and say, "I did my best." Not, "I could have done better." 10 weeks till a whole period of transition occurs. 10 weeks till graduation. Am I ready? Am I even putting in any effort now? I know best. Everything else can be put away. Got my reports today. Most teachers are pleased but frankly, I'm otherwise. Mummy called me "Clever girl" but really, its terrible as compared to last year, semester 1. I am very far from my 96. Very far. I need to buckle up. ONE SHOT MARILYN. ONE SHOT. ITS NOW OR NEVER. ITS NOW. I have great plans amongst all these. Plans for my part time job in the future, plans for uni, plans for majors, plans for specialising, plans for adulthood. But really, they all mean nothing if it's not aligned to God's plans. Its Him that I want to serve. Its Him I have decided to go down this path. It's Him that granted me these opportunities, why have I lost sight? Why am I worrying? Why am I freaking out? Isn't it He who grants? Isn't it He that directs my steps? Time to focus. Lord, be thou my vision.

adult.

I'm now an adult. That is all.