Game over.

I don't know about you but I'm done playing childish games with mindless lies.

"Forever" a word I've told you I never believed in and you proved me right. Once again. :) Don't we all love this game. So done with you thinking you've got the ball in your court because honey, you don't. You tell me one thing but do another, we are all watching in this theatre and shaking our heads in mockery and disappointment. Oh, just so you know I did give you plenty of chances, even these ones you asked for just to prove yourself. Oh, you proved yourself alright. You proved that you're nothing worth my time, attention or even breath anymore. Don't get me wrong, I've always cared but you never did. Go, take your ass-whip with you and be her little bitch. She's definitely right for you because she wears them pants well. We all love these games. I feel sorry for you... Only cause someone has to hah and you're the biggest loser here of the lot. Thanks for making me stronger. Goodbye.

Goodbye Summer

Ended summer with a boat party for Nicole and Mish's 21st. Probably one of the many amazing things to have happened to me this summer.

Looking back on this season, so much has changed. So many extremes of ups and downs. Loved and lost, losing myself entirely, my identity and not knowing who I am, feeling so torn between growing up and just living my age, people I meet and constantly associate with over this summer, exploring new places, seeing snow for the very first time and feeling very much alone with and without family.

I guess she's right, I'm better off alone. At least then, I'm not a 21 year old problem just leaching off at nights and being heavily misunderstood.

I've been roaming and wandering for a while now.
Gone out, have fun, felt "free", felt falsely invincible
but none of these can extinguish this anguish of reality.
My mind is in a land filled with alluring happiness that fades,
my heart has been shut away.

Been living in a land far far away, my eyes open but my soul not present.

I'm torn between "should" and "have". What am I doing? I wish an answer was ready because even I lack this vital information to maybe do something about all this. This mess I've found myself just floating in so willingly. I want to get out of this. I just don't know how. We are all going to get burned...