Feelings of this heart.

I'm getting indescribable feeling again. Those that have been close to me know what it is. Yes, it means something is going to happen. Something unpleasant. Something hurtful. But not all the time it happened to me. Most of the time are my close friends..
Sometimes you wished you were being left alone in a corner under a window, in the dark. Sometimes you wished you were with your friends.. Sometimes you wished you could go back to the past, slap yourself hard and not let mistakes take place. Sometimes you wished you won't cry salty tears and get on with life. Sometimes you wished clocks and beeping would speed up. Sometimes you wished you could forget the hurts. Sometimes you wished you are recognised. Sometimes you wished you are someone else. Sometimes you wished you could not hear. Sometimes you wished you could be your old self. All these wishes. All these prayers. All these cries. All these words. Even though we scream all these in our heads, crush our hearts, or scream and cry. All we can do is look down, turn away and taste the black sea on our lips.
Sometimes I really do miss Singapore and all my friends, relatives and memories there. I've found the reason why. It's because everything is there. Everything there knows me well. Cause I'm comfortable there. Cause I understood my friends brilliantly well.
Coming to Shanghai was a huge stepping stone. It's because in Singapore, it's my comfort zone. Now that I was plucked out of my comfort zone, I guess I've found some answers why God has placed me here. He knew I would be more focused on Him here, Get away from my past. Move away from my fears. Grow. Realise what I've been hidden from in Singapore. Like I said, The Lord Gives and Takes Away. I guess it's His plan. My future. My life.

Just feeling so down.. Somethings gonna happen. I know something will.

I'm thankful some understanding close friends. Anna especially. Thank you for understanding me. It's like you're my soul sister.