Chapter 28: Here (1)

With a turn, I look and smile. Saying, "Indeed I've grown. Indeed I've matured. Indeed I'm blessed and indeed God is real because indeed, He has carried me through all that I've gone through."

This is one of my bestf, Yun and I. In the year 2007.
I know I skipped all the way back to the end of my Dark forest memory reminiscing collection but I feel its appropriate.
After all these years, my goals in life has changed. My aspiration has changed and so have my personality. I've learnt a lot, I've seen a fair bit and I've done numerous things.

Today I had my parent teacher interview (like I've mentioned in my earlier post), if you knew after getting my results back I was hugely disappointed. I didn't meet any of my goals. Not even the subjects that I've been soaring in. I prayed, I worked hard and I kept my promise to praise God no matter how I have done. Some of you might say: Hey, don't give up it's okay, you can do better next time. Or even some: Where was your God then when you needed Him?

He was there all this while. He was there the day I was just an embryo. He was there when I was a foetus. He was there when my fingerprints and footprints were being engraved onto me. He was there when I took my first cry. He was there when that surfer saved my life. He was there when I scooped that girl out. He was there when I sat my paper and He is there no matter where I'm headed.

Though I didn't do as well as I thought I could, I actually learnt an important lesson through God not granting me my request to reach my goals. He made me realise that He is far greater than these. Today, going for the parent teacher interview, being compared to my year level, I'm actually doing really well. 1st in Math, 5th in English, Top 10 for Human Bio, A for chinese and 18th in Chemistry. "Improving" was the common word I've heard. & The common question from dad: What could she do to improve further to reach her goals of As? & their replies are: "She's already doing it."

Frankly, if I am not who I am today, I wouldn't be where I'm at. I use to be the one who goes the opposite direction. What do I mean? When someone says: You must study. I rebel and never study but instead always play. When they say: You need to be quiet. I will say: I'll show you what it means to be noisy then and make a heck of a chaos.

So after all, God did deliver me. To Him all the credit goes for giving me such burning passion, such perseverance, such willingness and such obedience because honestly, it's a MIRACLE because I'm not that kind of person. But now, He, the One who blessed me so richly has been moulding me. This unworthy child. In awe.

& I miss you Yun Xin. I am exhilarated that you guys will be throttling by. :)

excitement

Holidays are finally rocking by once again. I can't wait because this holiday is going to be so different. I'm going to be doing things I've never done.
What are they? I'm going to leave you in suspense.
Multiple first times coming right up!
One of it is making this fabulous cupcake thingo for my birthday girls.
Next?
*advert* Hahahaha.

Before all that buzz and fun, parent-teacher interview tomorrow. Pumped to know where I could improve and know what my flaws are so I can BRUSH UP and work towards my goal!
*Penguin happy dance*

& The movies coming out! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

But before all the movie thrills, end of topic test coming up.
I AM READY for the 2nd time in my entire life for a Year 11 Chemistry test.
*CHEEKY SMILES*

Smeared flaming ashes

"I spend my life to know, that I am far from close to all You are. The greatness of our God."

(Lyrics from 'The greatness of our God' by Hillsong. Album: A beautiful exchange)

This song that we just learnt at church really spoke to me and made me once again, weak to the core, knowing with each beat of my heart is not worthy but knowing His grace and love has changed that. To learn and know what love is. 

He can't be "summarised" and even the title "God" does not do justice. As compared to me, one of 7 billion people. He still loves every SINGLE ONE. I can't even love one person in my life properly, let alone to love every single one in 7 billion!? OH MY. Oh, who am I as compared to Your greatness? Just a pillar of walking dust, honoured, amazed JUST FREAKING AMAZED to be called, "Your child".

topsy turvy

Don't you think we live in an upside down world? We have been living in this "norm" where if you take a step back and look at it again and see what is happening in our world today, it is something completely ridiculous and just... You will be like, "What!? What is wrong with you people!?"

1. We pay money to watch a sports game.
Do we benefit in any way? No...
Do we enjoy ourselves? Yeah I guess...
Is this enjoyment going to last long? No... Not really because once our favourite team loses the next game, this game that you just paid isn't that great.

We don't even pay to go to church... It's FREE and yet... People "can't be bothered".
Do we benefit in any way? Yes. Many ways.
Do we enjoy ourselves? Definitely! What could be more joyful to celebrate the victory of Christ over sin? What could be more joyful than knowing love is free for us?
Is this enjoyment going to last long? Long!? ITS FOREVER DUDE. It is a victory. He has WON the grave. He will never lose.

2. We would pay for a phone line/ Internet to tell a friend your worries.
Why are they first? When God is FREE? & Not only that, if I were to do an ad about God and His amazing phone line...

GOD. Call for free, talk for free, peace for free. GUARANTEE, GENUINE CARE. (Not for gossip) Your secret is safe, He still thinks you are wonderful, NO WORRIES! Call whenever you want and need or even when you are breathing/eating/dreaming in class, He doesn't sleep. Talk for as long as you want because he has no limit or flag fall charges. (And you wont get caught in class ;D SO IMBA NINJA!) "International" calls to Him too is not too bad, instead He comes TO you for FREE. No airline ticket or airport tax cost to fret! Why cry and pig out just to "feel better" when His peace does not add to your calories intake or money you spent to buy that snack! Call Him today and soar!

3. We would rather spend hours to even days on the computer playing a game or facebook.
Firstly, we are not only spending precious hours on something that is not very productive. Secondly, we SPEND electricity bills and Internet bills on such when we could use the money for a worthy cause or help someone in the neighbourhood who is probably struggling to get by each day. Thirdly, why "microwave? your brain this much and end up dying at 20+ because of brain cancer and labelled "Game champion" or in fact, "Facebook/blog/tumblr/youtube addict"

Do you benefit much? Yeah well, THAT much. Oh how limited LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
(I can go on LOL-ing)

Do we enjoy ourselves? & Probably could have use those brain cells to help ace that exam is used on useless things like: Oh in that purple portal would bring us to potato land where you submit the sour cream chip.
Is this enjoyment going to last long? A life time long if you're lucky. Your life time would just might make it to 30 even. Such pity...

I can go on and on. There is just so many examples. & hey, I am guilty of such too so why don't we all join hands and make a change?

Teenagers last time had to work. 2 generations before us, I remember hearing my mum tell me about how my granddad had to work in factories when he was a little boy and as a young adult, selling ice cream on streets. What are WE TEENAGERS DOING? Not very much. As compared to the generations before us, its NOT MUCH. Even making our bed is so hard, talk about hard labour... WE WOULD CRY. Fortunate? Yes, very. So lets make the most of what we have, the time we have in between school work to do something productive that we might not get to do in the future when our "in between time" is just lunch and dinner.

Priorities, knowing what is important. Not urgent.

Jump start.

I was looking through the pictures and this was one of the pictures that struck me. So many things are happening in this photo but even though various things are happening, everyone is in unity in looking at the air strike plane, ready to battle it out.

Photo source: http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,2060413_2254381,00.html for more photos.

When power is all one man's crave,
And people just wanting freedom's wave.
Oh lay down your child play fantasies,
And watch as fear will slowly cease.


A shot that takes a life,
robs the fighter's soul.
The shot that remains a lie,
Oh let children cries be told.


How running is a man's source,
this wasn't how it use to be.
Then why are people forced,
to pick their fateful course?


Many fight in this battle field,
pushing for their steadfast will.
But in unity people sing their lullabies,
revealing their fear of last goodbyes.


Prayer and hopes that fills the air,
shares shivering cries with bullet fairs.
Trembling freeze in shells of breath,
when missiles announce their misty death.


Seeking shelter and drips of murky water,
people flee this mirror of condemnation.
When is the end of this "forever"?
Who can comprehend this manifestation.

Pray for Libya.

FRUIT PLATTER!

So, I started with the challenge to "LOVE" well, I am still doing "Love" because I have discovered, once I tackle love, joy comes hand in hand deep down in my heart, peace follows because of such joy, patience because of brother love to practice love, kindness to show my love outwardly, goodness naturally comes out of a loving heart with good intentions, faithfulness comes when people react to my actions that comes from a loving heart, gentleness then reacts as a product produced from loving and self-control... Hmmm... SELF-CONTROL...
That is interesting.

You are probably reading this and going: Yeah... How does Self-control link?
Well, from how I see it... Self-control summarises it all up. 
Self-control in love, in a relationship to not covet, commit adultery even in our heads and from allowing our heart linger unto someone else when in a committed relationship. 


Self-control, in joy. Have you heard of: "Too much of something good ends up not being too good after all"? I have learnt to not indulge in joy because soon you would always want to appear joyful, you start lying to people around you that you are happy but truly, lies upon lies builds a thick mask of hidden brokenness and the neglect of turning to humble and acknowledge that true joy comes from the One who made it all.


Self-control in peace, within peace itself, there is self-control. Where you know not to put ourselves first but others and thus peace comes. If everyone was in a "Me-me" thinking... BAM, that is where war breaks out, where we fight for our point, our views, our rights. Selfish? Is that not our devilish flow that comes wrapped in human nature?


Self-control in patience, patience itself is a test. Patience is something probably everyone struggles with to begin with. Soon we progress in life and our patience level varies from people we meet each day. But most of all, patience is vital in the Christian walk. Waiting upon God instead of not applying self-control, we do what we think is best but face it, what we think is best is just suffocating Self-control thus we fall. Many times, I am guilty of this. Many times.


Self-control in kindness, goodness and faithfulness giving within your means. Does not mean selling your house just so you "practice kindness/goodness/faithfulness" and give the less fortunate everything you have and suffering yourself. In summary, we have a brain given from God for a reason. Not to be foolish but to know, you might not be the one to "save" this person but your footprints have been inked on this person. Ultimately, is it not the one receiving to help themselves too? If not, you would just end up spoon-feeding them and they not learning and soon, they become a burden upon you, like an anchor that drags its people who can not stay afloat, down to the bottom of the sea. Pointless, with many works with no positive outcomes.


Self-control in gentleness, they don't really come hand in hand but instead you would have to balance these 2 out. I found this on the web:

"Gentleness and self-control are like hydrogen and oxygen.  When perfectly balanced, they water our soul. If we are too gentle with ourselves, we will lack discipline and focus.  If we are too self-controlled we become dogmatic and legalistic.   When we have both gentleness and self-control, our spiritual dedication is softened by grace.

The apostle Peter had to learn this the hard way.  Jesus foretold that Peter would deny him three times, and Peter adamantly defended his faithfulness to Jesus.  When Jesus’ prediction came true, Peter was ashamed by his own lack of self-control.  Later, after his resurrection, Jesus reached out to Peter again.  He was teaching Peter about God’s gentleness." from http://www.spiritualwellness.com/blog/balancing-self-control-gentleness-holy-week-day-6/ 

So yes, there you go, that's how I see it. All in one and therefore, it is FRUIT not fruits of the Spirit. ;) Pretty smart don't you reckon?

Birthday 2011

A birthday I never expected.

Thats a funny picture of me going: SO its YOUUUUUUUU (Puan)

It started with a surprise on Thursday night when I was studying. Everyone started making loads of noises and it got so annoying cause I was trying to read my notes and I could not read it cause... Yeah MULTITASK FAIL. So I blast my earphones, and tried focusing. Then BAM! Out goes the lights. In my head I was like: What? Are you serious!? Sigh.

Then I saw light outside of the window at the door and the first thing that came to mind was: SHIT.

I was surprised and could not believe it. They came in with that ^. Then they asked me to rip one of he cupcakes open. I did. I saw rainbow and I was getting emotional here. The cake I wanted to make but I gave up cause I was expecting much and studying was getting to me. I was expecting to look back on this year's birthday and just frown and shrug it off. But they made it special. First successful surprise! ;)

The people who made this year different once again. http://www.facebook.com/notes/marilyn-kara-ho/something-i-owe/10150268258680600

Friday, spent 3 hours watching Malcolm in the middle. Spent the next 2.5 hours thanking people on facebook. Then headed to Carou to get my free boost heehee then back again, back on facebook and catching up with people I have not seen or spoken to in ages. Then off to Mag's pj party where Bao bought a cake for me! THANKYOU! Then Janie randomly appears and I was like: HUH!?

Saturday, celebrating with family tonight! :)
Then back to studying tomorrow. LAST PAPER!!!

Exams have been going really and amazingly, incredibly smooth. One more paper, Chem. Going to study extra hard for it. My worst subject... BUT IN CHRIST I CAN DO ALL THINGS! :) For now... SIMS! Heehee!

Can't wait for post exam party. Miss my girls! :)