Year 11 examinations.

Will edit as I progress.

Study English. (RUN AFTER SARA.)

Study Human Bio. (OWN THAT PAPER.)

Human Bio.

English.

WE CAN DO THIS! WE DID THIS ;)

BREAKING DAWN WITH SISSY! (I won tickets, *happy dance*)

Study Math. (KILL SARA.)

Study Chem. (GET THAT 'A'!)

Chemistry.

Math.

ALMOST THERE!  I am here.

Study Chinese. (DO MY BLOOD PROUD!)

Chinese.

JOEY! <3

(You're my finishing line of happiness JOEY! ;))

Jesus take me as I am.

4 papers down and 1 more to go! :)

Really, everyday is a miracle. During this exam period, God really has been with me. From my worst subject to my best, He sends peace that transcends all understanding. 

On the day of my Chem exam, I was freaking out. I was shaking so hard, my tummy had multiple tummy aches because I was just so nervous. When I'm stressed, I bite my nails. When I'm nervous, I prick my finger skins. I pricked it so much on Sunday and Monday, I had one bloody thumb that stung so much.

From Saturday till Monday, the thought of my Chem exam just stole my sanity (as you can tell from my blog posts over the weekend) but God constantly, every single day from Saturday at church to Monday in the morning when I did my last minute revision before leaving for school, I looked up and saw the same verse on Saturday. Out of more than 6 verses on the wall, the first one that caught my eye was the same reminder from church. & Also the same one as I quoted last week from my devotion before exams.

Philippians 4:13

I can do ALL things through HIM who strengthens me.

INDEED.

she's coming in 18 hours!!! :D

I come no other way

Got this picture off 9gag because it totally depicts me right now!

Before my Chem exam, I was freaking out. Shaking, trembling. On my way to school had a few messages to wish me the best and that they're praying for me. Their prayers (& so was mine) were answered.

The first picture ^ of ME is when I flipped through the paper during reading time.

The picture under that is when for the first time this year, I finished a Chemistry PAPER before the time is up.

(Janie, I could hear your voice through out the whole paper... "WINNING!" and you in my head dancing to peanut butter jelly...)

The third was when I heard the sweet voice of, "Guys, stop writing!"

I turned to my friends beside me and pretended to do exactly this: Marilyn rips shirt, grow random green muscles popping in all direction, scream like Tarzan, beat chest like King Kong and..

A singing voice of peanut butter jelly came...

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY PEANUT BUTTER JELLY PEANUT BUTTER JELLY AND A BASEBALL BAT! 

^ GOLDEN MOMENT :')

PRAISE GOD!

Take me deeper into You

I trust in God but I don't trust in myself.
Today is better than Friday and Saturday but here I am, 10.25pm on Sunday and my paper is in less than 12 hours away from me. I hear its mockery, I hear its snicker. I am scared. I am. I commit yet I shiver in fear inside...
Maybe its failure to my own standards. I'm not ready..

Make my flesh life melt away

Today is a tiny bit better than Friday but still not good enough.

Chemistry is scaring me...

Make me like a precious stone

Attempted to study, didn't make it.
Barely did anything that amazingly productive today...
Have been craving chocolate for almost a month now. Of course I've had chocolate but not plain chocolate bar which sadly didn't satisfy my craving... & Kezza's making me crave those dreamy donuts now... :\

Crystal clear and finely honed

English paper was alright. (:

Human bio was alright too. Though I know some mistakes I've made, I'm confident I might just be able to pull myself through an 'A'.

Life of Jesus shining through

& The roller-coaster begins.

Giving glory back to you.

Lunch with the mumster. :)

BAN MIAN!

I gave her a secret admirer text to ask her out for lunch and she replies,"... I SPY." (Like she is gonna find out who her "secret admirer" is)

Hahaha, 

"Did the David ajdakjdaasjkdhad guy speak on Saturday too?"

Just cause she didn't know how to pronounce his last name haha.

Continuation of "Learning" on 10th November 2011.

This week has not been absolutely amazing for me. It was a downhill snowball effect of unfortunate wars between my head, heart and morals.
Finding out something about my dear friend has shaken me. Someone I've always seen as a "hero", achieving high, stand strong on personal morals and values and always being there for friends. That glass I've always made this hero out to be then had this slight chip on the edge. The chip I just discovered. My naive world was shaken. But this imperfect glass reminded me that its God that I stand by and its Him we should rely and trust in. Life battles are hard and sometimes running away from temptations is harder than running a 100km marathon in reality.
This "hero" of mine picked a hard path but even if he/she did, its amazing how God is still with him/her and helping him/her fight each and everyday. Daddy God is definitely carrying him/her through and placing great perseverance. There was an easier path option that had its own sets of problems and temptations but choices are made. I've chosen the painful path that has hurt not me but the One who loves me a million over times that if it was represented with a silk cloth, the cuts I've made in it will not even leave you a single thread.
But He still loves us nonetheless and protects us even more.

Another friend who was at a crossroad as well, deciding whats next was faced with similar situation as I. Bend morals and values? Even though we rationalise and try to find alternatives, initial values have also been bent be it a little of a lot. But we all learn be it a path we pick is going to be hard even when we know the end result we still go ahead. I'm a culprit of doing such many times over. I'm not that blameless either.
But He still loves us nonetheless and protects us even more.

& It came to me. The questions rises. Will I pick the hard path? Will I break things I should never break? Will I pick for my selfish gain? Will I have to go through this tutorial all over again? Will I bend my morals and values? Watching my "hero" and my fellow sister-in-Christ, I considered saying yes to all those questions above. But talking to my "hero" shook me and woke me up. I didn't think I could do it. I thought I was shattering. I thought I was breaking. My rationalised thoughts of denial engulfed me.
"You of all people, I know can do it." <-- I questioned those words.
"You can do it, my hero." <-- Words that stopped me. Words that sent me spiralling down the awakening tube where I am reminded. 'Salt and Light of this world'. Why would I consider saying yes to those questions? Why would I even..? My answer was clear. My mind was set. God has finally been able to poke me in the forehead when I've been pushing His finger away.
But He still loves us nonetheless and protects us even more.

Self doubts.

This is an account that I'm blogging on the 11th November 2011. This is the last day of school before exams and that's the end of Year 11 and growing up into Year 12 2012, LEAVERS.

As examinations were dawning closer and closer each time my eyes meet the sunrise, darker and darker my mind got. "Marilyn, this is it! THE FINAL BATTLE! Who is it going to be? THE WINNER TAKES IT ALL." Words of my math teacher that rang through my ears every math lesson for the past 2 weeks. My last lesson with him when he said that, instead of my usual cheeky smile, I responded with, "I've resigned to failure... She can keep that spot." For this week, along with my "Learning" posts, negativity has strike hard at me. I wasn't able to study, so much was in my mind. I was tired of the constant question of what I got. Competitions that I never signed up for, I was drowned in. The mockery when in background athletes become the frame. Outstanding and bold, looking at you with personal joy and content.

I was slowly resigning to my fear of failure. Wanting to fade back into the crowd that is jogging behind. Not being called a "freak" or a "Weirdo" when I do well. I was tired. Tired of all these academic attacks. I started to picture myself at the end of this year as a failure and disappointed bugger that gave up at the end of this lap for the year.

I cleared all my head matters. Silence was the cure that allowed me to slowly recover. But when I discovered silences, people discovered my fading at the start of the 1st week and started coming after me. Rest was what I need and rest in God was what I found.

My hope was replenished in my last class, on my last day and in my last hour of Year 11. Chem ranking of the year group. I was 17th in class overall for Chemistry. I've gone from a 'C' student to a 'B'. Something in me boiled and told me, I can get my 'A'. I can beat that girl in math and top the level. I can push my English into the 80s rank. I can memorise my whole Human Bio book and have a nerd conversation with a doctor. I can ace my Chinese once again.

This followed by reassurance from Daddy God. He's with me. He's guiding me. He's protecting me. He's fighting with me. He's renewing me. He's moulding me. Most of all... He's not done with me.
He first reassures me with:
"I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me. He freed me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

Then tells me that these "athletes" around me may hurl rocks at me but they can never break me. & I have to trust in order to allow Him to work in me.
"When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, whose words I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?"

& He finally renewed me with:
"I can do ALL THINGS through HIM who STRENGTHENS me."
Philippians 4:13

WATCH ME RUN DOWN THIS TOWN.

Learning.

This week, I've gone through many struggles, many lessons and many tempting moments. Learning and being shaken out of my naive world wasn't comfy but necessary to learn from.

My "hero" told me life experiences that first placed me in conditions I rationalise to take then made me realise my mistakes I was going to take. My "hero" made me realise the hero within me. & The strength I had but never thought existed. Thankyou brahh.

Daddy gave me strength and woke me up. Now, He uses me to continue to spur and encourage my other brothers and sisters on and to be there for them.

We all learn. We all grow.

Bottom line I've truly learn this week: Never put your morals, beliefs and values in the court of trust because you were sane when you made them and you know you're becoming insane when you question them.

Year 11 DINNER DANCE 2011! on the 3rd November.

Pictures in photobooth! :D

Nancy, Chels and I

KaBurn, Kimmy, Nono

My Brahh.

Denise, Maggie, Erica. Chinese buds!

My girls. + Ganni hahaha

Kelv, Ganni and "JANIE". We're getting closer. (:

Ganni.

The boys.

Most of my girls.

Best "full dress" photo of me HAHA

Denise :)

Amazing night, amazing fun, dress stayed faithful to me ;)

The Year 12 Ball is coming so soon now!

Persona speech

I wrote a speech as William Wilberforce as a kid.

"When I grow up, I would like to be someone that stands for justice, steadfast in equality and rooted in sincerity! I would like to fight for rights and to change this world. With words, transform this place into a country where people could have their dreams come true and maybe even where they start afresh here in this rejuvenating place that I am so blessed to call home!

Hmmm I would probably be a lawyer… A man of my words, pursuing not only the truth that rises but also my heart’s desire of this engulfing passion that I have here in this chamber of emotions.

I’ve got a secret but you got to promise me not to tell anyone. Not a single soul… When I told mumma about it during tea, she told me to keep this to myself and not to go blabbering it to anyone else. Just the day before, when Benjamin and I were playing marbles, one of our rare crystal marble went rolling down the street. When we went to chase after it to get it back, we realised that we were in a forbidden place where mumma and papa warned us of. It was the boatyard. Many massive boats were coming and departing our shore. Many however had numerous people; they look a little darker than anyone I’ve ever seen before. They were coming out of those shackled boats looking like they didn’t have anything to eat or anywhere to sleep. They didn’t look very happy… I call them the shadow puppet people.

Some looked like they’ve been in a fight with a monstrous bear. All that blood and open wounds attracted flies that feast happily as they struggle with the sting… It was terrifying to be honest. Most were expressionless as if they wore masks that could have been part of Shakespeare’s play and this is how they are like shadows... Without a face yet with features if you looked closely… Some though, looked cross but those that had that facial distinct crease across their foreheads were confronted with a loud “HAH!” and followed by a spit in their eye that would flow down their dusty, bruised cheeks.

Their hands… Bounded by chains. Chains that looked similar to those of which we use to hold our dogs down. They did not have any socks to keep warm let alone shoes to protect their feet from loose nails and splinters from the rotting wood along the harbour… They are the puppet people because with whips that told them the next moves, chains that restricted them and with the puppeteer controlling all of them with one thug of the front chain that made the rusty metal dig deeper into their wrists each time he tugged in joy that I don’t understand…

Benjamin urged me to leave but the sight of these people tore something in me.

He ran off after one of these puppet people came so close to us, having eyes of a dying sparrow staring so deep into mine… It was as if I could hear his heart breaking.

These are the people I want to hear from. I want to hear what their hearts are saying. What that puppet man was feeling when he looked me in the eye with shattered spirits I sensed. I want to get rid of those chains, the silence and the pain…

You may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know. I cannot pretend that I do not know." 

I posted this here not so to boast or anything but its to remind us that love is needed all around the world. Though people may choose to fake a smile or claim that everything is alright, the pain wouldn't just fade away. People need the Lord.