Ripples.

I'm going to stop being a rip in the sea. I'm going to stop resisting the waves, I'm going to be a ripple, I'm going to let the waves mould me, guide me and carry me through where I don't know where I'll next appear, what's my next step and when I'll be there. To impact like a ripple, silent and gentle but powerful, where ever I may be. To be still and wait.

Be my wave Lord.

My very first hospital admission.

As some of you guys know, I was admitted to hospital on the 25th August 2012 for my inflamed appendix. Yep, I had appendicitis. Don't ask me how it happened.. It just did. I have no clue what got in that blistering sucker but hey, I thank God it did because I met the most amazing people ever...

Here's my letter to them. I was very upset to a point of crying that I didn't get to thank these amazing people... This is the least I could do for now but in time to come, I wish to actually do something for them. Probably after WACE... Here we go:

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Though my stay in the hospital was short and sweet and though I possibly was the second youngest to be admitted into hospital that day, I sure am glad and definitely blessed to be served by a bunch of passionate, amazing, friendly, heart-warming and personally inspiring people.

To the people that prepared my meals: WOW. Amazing food though I didn't have my full appetite but I sure wish I did so that I could enjoy every single molecule that was lovingly prepared by you guys. For personalising it in a way that I wanted out of that ever so diverse and yummy menu. Wanted everything, no doubt but had to pick what would best benefit me. Thank you so much for serving me with joy like the brightest sunshine. What can I say? It literally was breakfast in bed! Thank you so much for putting my meals together and for ensuring I had the best of nutrients too. Wish I knew all of your names so I could thank each and every one of you personally.

To the nurses: The group of people that touched me most during those short 3 days. Even though about half the time I was either still knocked out from the anaesthetic or just simply exhausted and sleepy, you guys really inspired me. Nursing is one heck of a tough job but you guys didn't allow that to be shown through your actions. Every smile and every warm touch really reminded me as to how blessed I was to be under your care. There were about 8 of you that have come into contact with me during my stay there and helped me in various ways from changing my drips, helping me off my bed, turning my lights off while i dozed off, gave me my pain killers, adjusted my bed, helped me turn on the amazing tele with such vast choices of movies that I could enjoy and to just simply coming in to check on me. Truly a humbling job that you guys left me in awe. I left the hospital upset that I couldn't thank each and every one of you personally but here are the few three that out of my drowsiness I can probably remember your formal introductions: Robbie, Nibby and Sarah (The one that pushed me from the ED to my ward) I would especially like to thank Robbie. Your actions have really left something in me. Am deeply moved by your enthusiasm to work at such weird hours, 11pm till 5am and how you were so patient with me and helped me while I struggled with my fresh wounds that very night after I aroused from my anaesthetic. Doesn't sound like much but you have really impacted me. I thoroughly enjoyed your presence that very first night where I wanted to just talk to you and how loving you were towards me. There are few more nurses that have always done a lot for me but I would have really liked to thank each and every one of you personally as well. Truly am grateful. The one that placed that cold liquid up my bum, yes, isn't a pleasant job but really thankful.

Mr D Cooke and his team that operated on me:
Thankyou for watching over me as you operated on my appendix and took out that inflamed mess in me. Though I didn't get as much contact with you guys as compared to the nurses, I really am grateful that you guys operated on me with such joy and passion that seemed to be renewed everyday. You assured me and gave me so much faith to know that you guys would definitely do a wonderful job. To Mr Cooke, though I could barely talk while I was there, your jokes definitely did hurt. Physically! Just like how you took me like your very own "daughter" as you operated on me, I am glad and definitely blessed to have that "father" ensuring that the procedure will go well. I'll make sure that one day, I will be in that list of people you mentioned to me before my operation! Probably not as an athlete though. But in all compliments, thank you. Oh and greatly appreciate the dvd of my operation! Its just like the magic school bus in me. THANK YOU :)

Thank you all for making my stay at Murdoch Hospital - St John of God one that is unforgettable, not just because I would have a scar to remind me, but also one that deeply impacted me in my heart. & I am sure I have missed out many but really, am sincerely thankful that God allowed me to have my appendix taken out at such a blessed place with amazing people.

God Bless,
Marilyn Ho.

28th August 2012.



I will post my adventure in due time. For now, I really want to let the world know, people with such hearts are truly, awe-inspiring.

The time machine.

Birthdays are days that remind you that you indeed are a miracle, being alive.

Looking through photos, I found this. This was taken on my 15th birthday. My very first birthday I celebrated in Perth. A very very very quiet birthday that only 3 of us celebrated together since I barely knew anyone here in Perth. I was pretty bitter then as to having moved yet again. I didn't want anyone at school know simply because I'm the new kid. Have been at school for only barely 3 months and was still struggling with things physically left behind when really, mentally they were present. Looking back at how far I've come, how well I've settled in, I thank God for being with me through it all. For seeing me through the tough times. Its only after I came to Perth did I really start discovering and finding myself. 

As compared to this year, so many more I've met. So far I've come. It's the first time I planned something for my very own birthday. :) 3 Parties, Penrhos, OCF and Lynwood. 2 special cakes, many wonderful people I've met in this blessed place.

Lynwood:

I've grown, I've learnt many things and many people have come and gone but I'm not done yet.

"ONE WISH! WHAT WOULD IT BE!?" 
To live a life filled with humility, passion and love for Daddy God. The One who has seen me through and loved me even though I've hurt him so deeply before and in the future but my desire is to live a life that shines for Him.

10 more weeks till the final battle. The battle that will determine if I've meant what I've said, one shot to take that I should do my best, leave that desk and say, "I did my best." Not, "I could have done better." 10 weeks till a whole period of transition occurs. 10 weeks till graduation. Am I ready? Am I even putting in any effort now? I know best. Everything else can be put away. Got my reports today. Most teachers are pleased but frankly, I'm otherwise. Mummy called me "Clever girl" but really, its terrible as compared to last year, semester 1. I am very far from my 96. Very far. I need to buckle up. ONE SHOT MARILYN. ONE SHOT. ITS NOW OR NEVER. ITS NOW. I have great plans amongst all these. Plans for my part time job in the future, plans for uni, plans for majors, plans for specialising, plans for adulthood. But really, they all mean nothing if it's not aligned to God's plans. Its Him that I want to serve. Its Him I have decided to go down this path. It's Him that granted me these opportunities, why have I lost sight? Why am I worrying? Why am I freaking out? Isn't it He who grants? Isn't it He that directs my steps? Time to focus. Lord, be thou my vision.

Inner thoughts.

Cardboarding last sunday with the girls. :)

Its almost April.. 7 more months till I am done with high school. Time seems to be flying, my mind seems to be dreaming yet my body still living.

That means 6 more months to the big exams. What happened to time? It's ticking alright, its going. What am I doing? I have only recently finally been able to catch up with school work, holidays soon and 3 weeks after holidays, its mid year exams. Reflection time...

• I started the year well. However, 2 weeks into school, the boat rocked. Things started happening and people leaving. It was the series of events that came one after another that sent me spiralling down.
• I only got back into studying last week. (Which is pretty much me wasting 6 weeks of my year 12 just.. ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP) *sigh* But really, better late than never and thank God. All praise and glory to Him who helped pulled me out.
• The whole of last week I slept around 4.30am for 3/5 nights, 3.30 for 1/5 nights and 1.30 for the remaining 1/5. Time spent was fruitful though. It was because of the staying up that made me get back into studying. That big push to get the ball rolling again.
• Tests done during the 6 weeks that I was zombified were terrible. As a result, my results were... SHIT. Literally. But hey, we all fail at times but its because of failures we learn. 
• Papa and I got even closer during this time when it was just 2 of us. The things he does as a loving father is just honestly.. Touching.
• Tests done after I got out.. Really, that helplessness pushed me into relying totally on God. I admit, before that I was probably going at it solo.
• Math even though its only 2 tests, my first test pushed me into an overall of 68% and when I did my investigation, it pushed me up to a 73.4% overall. THANK GOD. It may be my worst math results ever but you know, I have always done crap in my investigations. It was what pushed me down last year and this was simply, MIRACLE. I may be taking back my place as 1st overall in 2CD math, it may be my name but really I couldn't and can't do it without the One who gives me strength.
• Chemistry, I failed my very first and so far, only test which makes me a 47% overall at current. The very first test I have failed in Lynwood. My very first letter sent home of "Unsatisfactory work". Yes, I did push myself into terrible disappointment which led to a stress break down but like I mentioned before, God brought me out and now we are doing my favourite topic and I am picking up. I have finally caught up in Chemistry and got full marks for my homework test. Now, I've got another test coming but I FEEL READY! BRING IT ON, YOU LITTLE CHEMISTRY MONSTER!
• English, I am doing surprisingly well. I am still amazed. Daddy God's not given up on me.
• I am at current 6 ATAR score away from what I need based on marks I am getting on current. Based on last year marks, I was 2 marks away from my requirement... By the end of this semester, I aim to reach my Atar requirement so I can push myself even harder in 2nd Semester! 

I have a dream. A dream that seems unrealistic to my child-like mind. Its achievable, it sounds incredible but am I deserving of such? I need to gear up, buckle up, suit up, prepare and GO! The only thing however is... I am uncertain of God's certainty in this dream of mine. I have the passion but if its not what is best for me, its not something I will do. I admit, I am excited yet scared. Just a year ago, I was so certain that I will never ever be who I dream to be today. I detest the life that this career drove many, I thought it was stupidity and just impossible for me. What changed? When God showed me a glimpse of what I could do with Him providing for me. A pathway I labelled "Crazy", He showed me what I never considered. He softened my stubborn mind and bam! Pray, pray, pray.

1. 1 week to holidays.
2. 3 weeks to registration of UMAT
3. 8 weeks to Exams.
4. 9 Weeks to 18.
5. 3 months to holidays.
6. 3 Months to UMAT test.
7. 5 Months to End of year exams
8. 5 Months + to release of UMAT results
9. 6 months to farewell of year 12
10. 6 Months and 2 weeks to WACE exams
11. 7 Months to a whole month of intensity.
12. EXACTLY 8 Months to fully graduate (Presentation night)
13. 8 Months to AGM and Convy
14. 8 Months 1 week to preparation for interviews.
15. 8 months 1 week to first round of interviews.
16. 8 Months and the next phase of my future is determined.

THIS IS IT. I bid farewell to my social life a long time ago but here, I realise how much more I have to do. Walk, Listen, Grow, Run.

John Curtin's Ball.

Timmy! :D

My favourite picture of him that night. Though its blurry... :|

Was a good night. :) Favourite song that night, HEY MARCEREENA!

I guess what they say about going with your close friend and you wouldn't regret it is indeed a true statement. Because I actually REALLY did enjoy myself that night.

So here's something about Timmy... I know I've never really mentioned him much on my blog though I did have a post dedicated to him before on November 2010. We have been friends since the year 2009. One of my first few friends outside of school. Met him at Ignite. How? Well, I was seated on this amazing bean bag, all happy and comfy while watching people play guitar hero. Suddenly, this guy out of no where, jumps unto the same bean bag, made me jump up as well because of the force and I turned around, see this face smiling so intently at mine. My friend introduced him as "Tim Tam". & Since then, we've gone through quite a lot. He stuck through the phase of me being totally crazy. Literally, CRAZY. I am still rather amazed till today. We've grown a lot since then, in maturity and of course height and all that but most of all, our friendship! :)

One gesture that really impacted me recently was when I came to a realisation of him keeping his word. It didn't hit me until I was talking to Liv, "I wonder why he's not taking someone else." "He did mention taking me to his ball start of last year when we were talking about it. I requested that he would ask the girl he liked then, before confirming with me... I mean come on, we still had a year to go!" "Well, he kept his word didn't he?"

That stopped all mental thoughts and I realised.. WOW, it may seemed small but really, who keeps their word now a days? Meant a whole lot to me.

So here you go _______ _______ _______ ;) Here's a post just for you, without being anonymous! 

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I MADE CHAR SIU BAO FROM SCRATCH (; 

First batch were too salty so second batch on the way now!! :D

Realisations.

It has finally hit...

Its our last year. Its MY LAST YEAR. LAST YEAR. LAST YEAR of high school...

10 months this year. 1 month down, 9 more to go...

I may still always be that cheeky one, I may still always be the one who wears her jammies out and I may still always be the one to announce to the world I've got to pee but age is progressing. Puberty has hit years ago, maturity is an ongoing process and wisdom continues to increase exponentially but most of all, its time for me to step up and to grow spiritually as well. No more looking back, no more "what if's", no more staying put. Its time to leave, time to do my best in Year 12 and time to grow.

Things I have struggled with before, things I have kept within myself and kept repeating the same mistakes its time to challenge myself to stop, step out and walk away and to never return ever again. Sinful ways I've kept within these 4 walls since I was 8, 14 and 15 it's time to let go.

Last year, STUDY. FOCUS. GROW AND PERSEVERE.
"CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS! Never lose."

Leavers 2012.

25th February 2012 was when my spuds grew up. (;

I miss you loads spuds, hope you are having fun in Melbourne! :)

2nd March 2012, YEAR 12 LYNWOOD BALL

Favourite-est guy. ♥

+ Jess M.

Table seating!

After the ball.

3rd March 2012, Clare's (belated) birthday party.

That's my fair share of fun so far. MORE TO COME! :P

Pre-Ball thoughts.

Ball is tomorrow, I am honestly nervous. Excited isn't even the word but nervous. Why am I nervous? I don't know but frankly, I am a klutz, propriety just isn't my thing and knowing me, I would do something stupid. I just can't help it, its just part and parcel of everyday life to do something ridonkulous and funny. Not to me, to others of course. Looking through other's photos, Penrhos, etc it gets my heart pumping harder. Maybe its excitement but I am too confused to even know? Who knows. OH BOY, the ball is tomorrow.

LEAVERS 2012!
I can't wait for my leaver's jacket. :) JUST SAYING!

leavers so far...

1. I thank God I didn't start studying during the holidays because knowing me, I will go full steam and be burnt out even before my first round of tests that is coming soon.

2. I have had my struggles so far, ups and downs but finally I am here, accepted facts and Peace from God.

3. Ball stuff has all been finally settled! :) What started of as a mission became a battle and now just waiting for the big day to finish with a big bang!

4. Catching up on my school work, almost there!

5. OCF girl's bonding is just simply amazing and going down smooth and great by God's grace.

6. Had the future talk with the famfam and boy, its good. With a slip I told them what I was really interested in and they gave me pathways to pursue.

7. Started flexi! AMAZING HOME EARLY TIME!!!

8. Biggest sissy was here for the weekend! Great time spent with the whole family.

9. Instructed the hairstylist as to how to cut Kelvin's hair. It was a good cut. SUCCESS!

10. Got glasses bendy straw (;

11. I did my very first belly dancing.. In front of a crowd but was worth the memory I will have with the famfam :)

12. Slowly but surely fixing this body clock of mine.

13. Just another V-day spent 'single' but frankly, I want it to be this way until I meet that special one ya' know? (; (1st V Day with that special someone? ME GUSTA!) Hahahaha

14. 14th Feb 2012 was quite a great escape I will say.

15. Paid fully for the ball all by myself! BOO TO THE YEAH!

16. Olivia is free for the whole day on my ball day to help me (; BLESSING.

Yet to come:

1. I will be dissecting a brain soon. Exciting!

2. Melanie leaving );

3. Badminton

4. OCF to commence!

5. BALL!!!

6. More and more tests.

7. LATE NIGHT EATING WITH FIAAAAAA!

8. Another Ball.

9. HOME ALONEEEEEE

10. END OF TERM HOLIDAYSSSSSS!

11. IGGY!! :D

12. Frigget and iggy! :D

13. Janie's Birthday :)

14. Party almost every weekend. It's just that time of the year...

YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! :D

Mummy.

"Mummy, you can ask me anything you like. Boys, ball whatever."
"Do you like anyone now?"
"Nope. Have not had any likes or crushes since Year 10 I guess.. I mean look, Year 10 is a big year, year 11 bigger and now 12 BIGGEST! I just.. Don't have the time to think about it?"
"Well, you're normal."
"Normal? I think girl crushes are normal."
"Yeah they are. But who's the last one you realllllly liked?"
"Well... I guess my last relationship."
"Like real dating going out dating?"
"Yeah, Ashim."
"Oh."
"Yeah.."
"HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE YOU HAD!?"
"Hah... *shifty eyes* Well only one proper one. Ashim."
"Just those puppy love?"
"Nah, it was pretty serious."
"But you guys met in Sydney like there wasn't anything."
"Yeah, there isn't anymore. It's been 3 years mum."
"Is he still short?"

and it goes on.

Why did I type this all here? Because I felt this conversation just made mum realise I'm no longer that little baby that sleeps with her butt in the air anymore. But yet again, this conversation allowed her so much deeper into my life and I feel so close to her.