Inner thoughts.

Cardboarding last sunday with the girls. :)

Its almost April.. 7 more months till I am done with high school. Time seems to be flying, my mind seems to be dreaming yet my body still living.

That means 6 more months to the big exams. What happened to time? It's ticking alright, its going. What am I doing? I have only recently finally been able to catch up with school work, holidays soon and 3 weeks after holidays, its mid year exams. Reflection time...

• I started the year well. However, 2 weeks into school, the boat rocked. Things started happening and people leaving. It was the series of events that came one after another that sent me spiralling down.
• I only got back into studying last week. (Which is pretty much me wasting 6 weeks of my year 12 just.. ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP) *sigh* But really, better late than never and thank God. All praise and glory to Him who helped pulled me out.
• The whole of last week I slept around 4.30am for 3/5 nights, 3.30 for 1/5 nights and 1.30 for the remaining 1/5. Time spent was fruitful though. It was because of the staying up that made me get back into studying. That big push to get the ball rolling again.
• Tests done during the 6 weeks that I was zombified were terrible. As a result, my results were... SHIT. Literally. But hey, we all fail at times but its because of failures we learn. 
• Papa and I got even closer during this time when it was just 2 of us. The things he does as a loving father is just honestly.. Touching.
• Tests done after I got out.. Really, that helplessness pushed me into relying totally on God. I admit, before that I was probably going at it solo.
• Math even though its only 2 tests, my first test pushed me into an overall of 68% and when I did my investigation, it pushed me up to a 73.4% overall. THANK GOD. It may be my worst math results ever but you know, I have always done crap in my investigations. It was what pushed me down last year and this was simply, MIRACLE. I may be taking back my place as 1st overall in 2CD math, it may be my name but really I couldn't and can't do it without the One who gives me strength.
• Chemistry, I failed my very first and so far, only test which makes me a 47% overall at current. The very first test I have failed in Lynwood. My very first letter sent home of "Unsatisfactory work". Yes, I did push myself into terrible disappointment which led to a stress break down but like I mentioned before, God brought me out and now we are doing my favourite topic and I am picking up. I have finally caught up in Chemistry and got full marks for my homework test. Now, I've got another test coming but I FEEL READY! BRING IT ON, YOU LITTLE CHEMISTRY MONSTER!
• English, I am doing surprisingly well. I am still amazed. Daddy God's not given up on me.
• I am at current 6 ATAR score away from what I need based on marks I am getting on current. Based on last year marks, I was 2 marks away from my requirement... By the end of this semester, I aim to reach my Atar requirement so I can push myself even harder in 2nd Semester! 

I have a dream. A dream that seems unrealistic to my child-like mind. Its achievable, it sounds incredible but am I deserving of such? I need to gear up, buckle up, suit up, prepare and GO! The only thing however is... I am uncertain of God's certainty in this dream of mine. I have the passion but if its not what is best for me, its not something I will do. I admit, I am excited yet scared. Just a year ago, I was so certain that I will never ever be who I dream to be today. I detest the life that this career drove many, I thought it was stupidity and just impossible for me. What changed? When God showed me a glimpse of what I could do with Him providing for me. A pathway I labelled "Crazy", He showed me what I never considered. He softened my stubborn mind and bam! Pray, pray, pray.

1. 1 week to holidays.
2. 3 weeks to registration of UMAT
3. 8 weeks to Exams.
4. 9 Weeks to 18.
5. 3 months to holidays.
6. 3 Months to UMAT test.
7. 5 Months to End of year exams
8. 5 Months + to release of UMAT results
9. 6 months to farewell of year 12
10. 6 Months and 2 weeks to WACE exams
11. 7 Months to a whole month of intensity.
12. EXACTLY 8 Months to fully graduate (Presentation night)
13. 8 Months to AGM and Convy
14. 8 Months 1 week to preparation for interviews.
15. 8 months 1 week to first round of interviews.
16. 8 Months and the next phase of my future is determined.

THIS IS IT. I bid farewell to my social life a long time ago but here, I realise how much more I have to do. Walk, Listen, Grow, Run.