leavers so far...

1. I thank God I didn't start studying during the holidays because knowing me, I will go full steam and be burnt out even before my first round of tests that is coming soon.

2. I have had my struggles so far, ups and downs but finally I am here, accepted facts and Peace from God.

3. Ball stuff has all been finally settled! :) What started of as a mission became a battle and now just waiting for the big day to finish with a big bang!

4. Catching up on my school work, almost there!

5. OCF girl's bonding is just simply amazing and going down smooth and great by God's grace.

6. Had the future talk with the famfam and boy, its good. With a slip I told them what I was really interested in and they gave me pathways to pursue.

7. Started flexi! AMAZING HOME EARLY TIME!!!

8. Biggest sissy was here for the weekend! Great time spent with the whole family.

9. Instructed the hairstylist as to how to cut Kelvin's hair. It was a good cut. SUCCESS!

10. Got glasses bendy straw (;

11. I did my very first belly dancing.. In front of a crowd but was worth the memory I will have with the famfam :)

12. Slowly but surely fixing this body clock of mine.

13. Just another V-day spent 'single' but frankly, I want it to be this way until I meet that special one ya' know? (; (1st V Day with that special someone? ME GUSTA!) Hahahaha

14. 14th Feb 2012 was quite a great escape I will say.

15. Paid fully for the ball all by myself! BOO TO THE YEAH!

16. Olivia is free for the whole day on my ball day to help me (; BLESSING.

Yet to come:

1. I will be dissecting a brain soon. Exciting!

2. Melanie leaving );

3. Badminton

4. OCF to commence!

5. BALL!!!

6. More and more tests.

7. LATE NIGHT EATING WITH FIAAAAAA!

8. Another Ball.

9. HOME ALONEEEEEE

10. END OF TERM HOLIDAYSSSSSS!

11. IGGY!! :D

12. Frigget and iggy! :D

13. Janie's Birthday :)

14. Party almost every weekend. It's just that time of the year...

YEAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! :D

Life and death.

That wide spectrum of life where you watch my first smile to your first "hello" with that moment you named me 'beautiful'; Then the next I find this struggle to keep that smile there as I selfishly am not ready for this temperer last goodbye.

Mummy.

"Mummy, you can ask me anything you like. Boys, ball whatever."
"Do you like anyone now?"
"Nope. Have not had any likes or crushes since Year 10 I guess.. I mean look, Year 10 is a big year, year 11 bigger and now 12 BIGGEST! I just.. Don't have the time to think about it?"
"Well, you're normal."
"Normal? I think girl crushes are normal."
"Yeah they are. But who's the last one you realllllly liked?"
"Well... I guess my last relationship."
"Like real dating going out dating?"
"Yeah, Ashim."
"Oh."
"Yeah.."
"HOW MANY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE YOU HAD!?"
"Hah... *shifty eyes* Well only one proper one. Ashim."
"Just those puppy love?"
"Nah, it was pretty serious."
"But you guys met in Sydney like there wasn't anything."
"Yeah, there isn't anymore. It's been 3 years mum."
"Is he still short?"

and it goes on.

Why did I type this all here? Because I felt this conversation just made mum realise I'm no longer that little baby that sleeps with her butt in the air anymore. But yet again, this conversation allowed her so much deeper into my life and I feel so close to her.

Prayers of a loving mother.

Mothers all over the world, praying for their sons and/or daughters to get married.

My mother, prays for me to find a ball date. Just honestly, its the most shocking and sweetest thing that did leave an impact in me to know how much she doesn't want her daughter to be forever alone because of things like this... 

HEEHEE. 

Such love. It actually really means so much to me.

Friend request.

Hold my hair as I vomit in this nauseous familiarity.

Friends has never been neither will it ever be an option isn't it? Yeah I can raise my hand to that and say that's true. Surrendering was just a state of numb waves after that cruel encore and sickening last words strung together that comprehend nothing but mockery that wraps around like a life float but will never get as near as the waves of past horrors that keep crashing in between. & People cry "S.O.S" but really they are just acronyms to say "STAY ON SUCKER!" and leave you to curl up, rock and shatter.

Every done, doing and will do will be questioned to be labelled "mistake". Its all a joke isn't it?