Inner thoughts.

Cardboarding last sunday with the girls. :)

Its almost April.. 7 more months till I am done with high school. Time seems to be flying, my mind seems to be dreaming yet my body still living.

That means 6 more months to the big exams. What happened to time? It's ticking alright, its going. What am I doing? I have only recently finally been able to catch up with school work, holidays soon and 3 weeks after holidays, its mid year exams. Reflection time...

• I started the year well. However, 2 weeks into school, the boat rocked. Things started happening and people leaving. It was the series of events that came one after another that sent me spiralling down.
• I only got back into studying last week. (Which is pretty much me wasting 6 weeks of my year 12 just.. ROLLING IN THE DEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP) *sigh* But really, better late than never and thank God. All praise and glory to Him who helped pulled me out.
• The whole of last week I slept around 4.30am for 3/5 nights, 3.30 for 1/5 nights and 1.30 for the remaining 1/5. Time spent was fruitful though. It was because of the staying up that made me get back into studying. That big push to get the ball rolling again.
• Tests done during the 6 weeks that I was zombified were terrible. As a result, my results were... SHIT. Literally. But hey, we all fail at times but its because of failures we learn. 
• Papa and I got even closer during this time when it was just 2 of us. The things he does as a loving father is just honestly.. Touching.
• Tests done after I got out.. Really, that helplessness pushed me into relying totally on God. I admit, before that I was probably going at it solo.
• Math even though its only 2 tests, my first test pushed me into an overall of 68% and when I did my investigation, it pushed me up to a 73.4% overall. THANK GOD. It may be my worst math results ever but you know, I have always done crap in my investigations. It was what pushed me down last year and this was simply, MIRACLE. I may be taking back my place as 1st overall in 2CD math, it may be my name but really I couldn't and can't do it without the One who gives me strength.
• Chemistry, I failed my very first and so far, only test which makes me a 47% overall at current. The very first test I have failed in Lynwood. My very first letter sent home of "Unsatisfactory work". Yes, I did push myself into terrible disappointment which led to a stress break down but like I mentioned before, God brought me out and now we are doing my favourite topic and I am picking up. I have finally caught up in Chemistry and got full marks for my homework test. Now, I've got another test coming but I FEEL READY! BRING IT ON, YOU LITTLE CHEMISTRY MONSTER!
• English, I am doing surprisingly well. I am still amazed. Daddy God's not given up on me.
• I am at current 6 ATAR score away from what I need based on marks I am getting on current. Based on last year marks, I was 2 marks away from my requirement... By the end of this semester, I aim to reach my Atar requirement so I can push myself even harder in 2nd Semester! 

I have a dream. A dream that seems unrealistic to my child-like mind. Its achievable, it sounds incredible but am I deserving of such? I need to gear up, buckle up, suit up, prepare and GO! The only thing however is... I am uncertain of God's certainty in this dream of mine. I have the passion but if its not what is best for me, its not something I will do. I admit, I am excited yet scared. Just a year ago, I was so certain that I will never ever be who I dream to be today. I detest the life that this career drove many, I thought it was stupidity and just impossible for me. What changed? When God showed me a glimpse of what I could do with Him providing for me. A pathway I labelled "Crazy", He showed me what I never considered. He softened my stubborn mind and bam! Pray, pray, pray.

1. 1 week to holidays.
2. 3 weeks to registration of UMAT
3. 8 weeks to Exams.
4. 9 Weeks to 18.
5. 3 months to holidays.
6. 3 Months to UMAT test.
7. 5 Months to End of year exams
8. 5 Months + to release of UMAT results
9. 6 months to farewell of year 12
10. 6 Months and 2 weeks to WACE exams
11. 7 Months to a whole month of intensity.
12. EXACTLY 8 Months to fully graduate (Presentation night)
13. 8 Months to AGM and Convy
14. 8 Months 1 week to preparation for interviews.
15. 8 months 1 week to first round of interviews.
16. 8 Months and the next phase of my future is determined.

THIS IS IT. I bid farewell to my social life a long time ago but here, I realise how much more I have to do. Walk, Listen, Grow, Run.

John Curtin's Ball.

Timmy! :D

My favourite picture of him that night. Though its blurry... :|

Was a good night. :) Favourite song that night, HEY MARCEREENA!

I guess what they say about going with your close friend and you wouldn't regret it is indeed a true statement. Because I actually REALLY did enjoy myself that night.

So here's something about Timmy... I know I've never really mentioned him much on my blog though I did have a post dedicated to him before on November 2010. We have been friends since the year 2009. One of my first few friends outside of school. Met him at Ignite. How? Well, I was seated on this amazing bean bag, all happy and comfy while watching people play guitar hero. Suddenly, this guy out of no where, jumps unto the same bean bag, made me jump up as well because of the force and I turned around, see this face smiling so intently at mine. My friend introduced him as "Tim Tam". & Since then, we've gone through quite a lot. He stuck through the phase of me being totally crazy. Literally, CRAZY. I am still rather amazed till today. We've grown a lot since then, in maturity and of course height and all that but most of all, our friendship! :)

One gesture that really impacted me recently was when I came to a realisation of him keeping his word. It didn't hit me until I was talking to Liv, "I wonder why he's not taking someone else." "He did mention taking me to his ball start of last year when we were talking about it. I requested that he would ask the girl he liked then, before confirming with me... I mean come on, we still had a year to go!" "Well, he kept his word didn't he?"

That stopped all mental thoughts and I realised.. WOW, it may seemed small but really, who keeps their word now a days? Meant a whole lot to me.

So here you go _______ _______ _______ ;) Here's a post just for you, without being anonymous! 

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I MADE CHAR SIU BAO FROM SCRATCH (; 

First batch were too salty so second batch on the way now!! :D

Realisations.

It has finally hit...

Its our last year. Its MY LAST YEAR. LAST YEAR. LAST YEAR of high school...

10 months this year. 1 month down, 9 more to go...

I may still always be that cheeky one, I may still always be the one who wears her jammies out and I may still always be the one to announce to the world I've got to pee but age is progressing. Puberty has hit years ago, maturity is an ongoing process and wisdom continues to increase exponentially but most of all, its time for me to step up and to grow spiritually as well. No more looking back, no more "what if's", no more staying put. Its time to leave, time to do my best in Year 12 and time to grow.

Things I have struggled with before, things I have kept within myself and kept repeating the same mistakes its time to challenge myself to stop, step out and walk away and to never return ever again. Sinful ways I've kept within these 4 walls since I was 8, 14 and 15 it's time to let go.

Last year, STUDY. FOCUS. GROW AND PERSEVERE.
"CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS! Never lose."

Leavers 2012.

25th February 2012 was when my spuds grew up. (;

I miss you loads spuds, hope you are having fun in Melbourne! :)

2nd March 2012, YEAR 12 LYNWOOD BALL

Favourite-est guy. ♥

+ Jess M.

Table seating!

After the ball.

3rd March 2012, Clare's (belated) birthday party.

That's my fair share of fun so far. MORE TO COME! :P

Pre-Ball thoughts.

Ball is tomorrow, I am honestly nervous. Excited isn't even the word but nervous. Why am I nervous? I don't know but frankly, I am a klutz, propriety just isn't my thing and knowing me, I would do something stupid. I just can't help it, its just part and parcel of everyday life to do something ridonkulous and funny. Not to me, to others of course. Looking through other's photos, Penrhos, etc it gets my heart pumping harder. Maybe its excitement but I am too confused to even know? Who knows. OH BOY, the ball is tomorrow.

LEAVERS 2012!
I can't wait for my leaver's jacket. :) JUST SAYING!