Tell me oh my soul, why are you down cast?

I'm very excited for the future. For the things I can do, the time I will have as compared to this year and desires to reach goals. But really, among these excitement, fear and unsettledness is erupting...

Dino ear rings from Yi Lin! :)

Oh Lord, discipline my soul. I want to look up. I want to stay focused on you. My heart is deeply troubled as to how far I feel from you. I know it shouldn't be based on feelings but really, these feelings are indications that are acting as warning sirens as to the distance I have come. This year has been busy. Time that I have tried to set aside for you become time that I have idled away and I am sorry. Serving You is easy but fighting in this faith is hard. Who am I to demand for more time? Oh Lord, to You is where I want to run. To You is where I want to take shelter. I cry out for direction you provide but Lord, You spoil me with never ending love and I know the further I've gotten. To You I want to return, to You I want to take refuge. Why are my eyes gazing upon things that will fade? Clear them oh Lord, wipe these salt away and carry it's weight. Lord, I'm not happy with where I am. I'm not happy with who I've become. I've forgotten who I am. I've lost sight of my vision. To You I want to commit again, oh Lord, take these negativity and intensify them. Push me to my limits, amplify the pain if its a stepping stone for my growth in You because really Lord, I want to grow deeper in You. Take this hardened heart of mine and remould it. Burn everything that's not of You that's in me and multiply my passion for Your name. I want to extinguish every sinful nature I hold dear. I'm sorry Lord for the things that I've made. I'm sorry Lord for having half hearts and blinded eyes. Penetrate in me revealing every dark corner. Make me whole oh Lord, please. Lord, I will never be satisfied with anything of this temperer place because You Lord, are what I need. You Lord is who I want to seek. You are who I want to find. You Lord is the only One that would open the doors in this cold dark night. Be thou my vision, be thou the centre of my life. I'm coming back. I'm here.

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On a lighter note... LEAVERS!!! :D

May God bless this day.

The following post might be wordy but worth it to read.
For some, it might change and inspire you. For others it might just be another blog post. But it is still worth it.

One night I fulfilled my dreams by taking the first steps into it. After doing such rash actions I started to panic and I prayed to God telling him to tell me what to do cause I have been seriously planning all the things I want to fulfill and how. I started worrying and asked Him to answer me.. Tell me.. I didn't want to be worried about the future but I can't help but speed things up.. Then the next morning I woke up at 5am and at 5.23am, God answered me. How? Without warning, God spoke to me through my sister. She messaged me saying, 'Proverbs 16:1-9. Verse 9: "In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Then she continue saying, "It's good to plan, dream, think ahead. But we should be more open to God-appointed changes in direction." I was shocked. But that verse itself impacted me and made me flip my bible open and read the whole chapter. God WAS talking to me. No, IS talking to me. I then lay on my bed, looking at the ceiling and started talking to God with my head phones on. I committed all my worries of my day and future to him and I opened up my hands to receive Him into my heart, take my heart and mould it. After that I really felt His comforting hand on me, His spirit in me. I started to tear. Once I started to tear, the song that started playing was probably set by God. Cause it was, "From the inside out." As I tear the words filled me and it was then again I knew God was speaking to me through this song. Every single word was like a reply to me. && by what we humans call "co-incidentally", the song ended right on the dot with my last "Amen." I felt new, I felt fresh. I had new confidence in me. I didn't feel burdened or worried anymore cause I have lay them all down on Jesus. As He carries them for me while he cradles me. Thank you Daddy.

I post this all here cause through this incident, I felt like a new person. The feeling in me was sweet and soothing. Its a reminder that no matter what we are going through, don't neglect the Lord as He is always there and He is the one who DETERMINES the steps that you take.

Seeking the living water, eating the broken bread.
xoxo,
Marilyn
mho.