Loving.

via tumblr. So cute. That's how I'm positioned at the moment blogging and feeling this way hahaha.

Thinking about it, I realised I "forgot" what its like to like someone. I'm always reading quotes that people post on tumblr about love and about this person they really like but it makes me wonder if I have that emotion somewhat like how they describe it to be... To be honest, I don't.

It's funny, so uncanny how I can say honestly I did like someone for a really long time but to say I love him... I don't know... How do you tell when it "graduates" to love? It's a whole new level that is so... alien. I did say he was my "first love" but... It was mostly agonising pain instead of how people say, joy, new life etc. Well, butterflies, yes for the first 4 months then pain for the next 3 years that still lingers...

I had a conversation with one of my bros recently about marriage. I'm honestly scared about the thought and the commitment. It's such a huge commitment that is only possible with God... Watching older couples, I have to agree that the closer they draw towards God together, serving in church together, they still look at each other, in the eye with such burning love that they had since it ignited even when it was 50+ years ago. <-- I really hope my own marriage (If I ever get married HAHAHA) would be like that too... The more I watch, the more the realisation it is to know the relationship with God is so simple. It just requires me to love Him back yet... I do fail at times... But one thing I know, the love for God has compelled me before. (To be honest, its extra obvious when I'm spiritually high) It felt amazing, awesome and each day feels like joy that wakes up in excitement in knowing God is in my life.

Now, I'm still longing to get that back. At the same time... To forget the feeling of loving someone is good and bad I guess. Refreshing when it probably happens again yet, when people tease me with someone, it starts pushing me into questions if what they say is true since I can't exactly tell anymore. (If you know what I mean) But thankfully, most times I prepare my mental state to know if I do have interest in someone or not.