May I?

May I just put my headphones on,
lock my doors,
close my eyes,
allow time to pass me by.

May I just go back in technology,
lose my phone,
cut this much of a communication,
just enjoy silence.

May I just pick any name on Facebook,
just pop my stressed out heart,
pour out my deepest darkest secrets,
know that they will all be kept safe.

May I just cry,
stop living for just a bit,
wash all my stress away,
not meet all my appointments.

May I just stand on a stage,
explain everything that I'm doing once,
walk off,
and never be questioned ever again.

May I just curl up,
get lost in dreams,
forget reality,
stop living for a minute and sleep.

May I just drop everything,
not be questioned,
cry all my stress away,
allow my body to recuperate. 

May I... Or am I just selfish...

Revamp-Marilyn

I always come back saying the same thing, "I know I've not blogged in a while.... blah blah blah" and "I'll try to post more often... blah blah blah" Well, clearly that didn't happen but hey, today is a new day and I felt like I shall come to terms with reasons why I've stopped the past few months and almost years.

One of the few reasons why I've stopped was because I knew a few more people have found my blog and I kinda lost the sense of security to rant like your past teenage girl I use to be. Obviously lots have happened and out of these "lots" there are many things I am not proud of. That's why I've stopped, but I did genuinely hope to return one day again. Maybe today is that day.

Last night I went to bed feeling like I've come to a point in my life where I'm reflecting on who I am today and I honestly felt like I don't like who I see. I didn't wake up feeling any better but thoughts of, "All I asked for was just..." This my friends, is one of the most ungrateful sonofabish statement you can ever tell yourself. Thank God for all that has happened and most of all for Him taking you through all that mess you've deliberately picked to go through. It's not easy being you, yes. But it's even harder to be guiding someone as stubborn as us people we call the "human race" but he does it nonetheless because of love.

I've decided, I'm going to do something about this. Prayed about it and asked for help because I can't change these negativity in me, alone... I've decided to revamp my life. I call it, "Revamp-Marilyn". Going to take practical steps to improve my life, going to be that light that shines and spurs those around me to shine bright too.

Things I would like/have started doing:

• Eat healthier: 5 serves of veg and 2 serves of fruit daily.
• Sleep earlier, wake up earlier. I'm a morning studier anyways.
• LOVE my face, give it the attention it needs.
• Daily moisturise my feet and legs at least.
• Drink at least 8 glasses of water, daily and INTENTIONALLY!
• Pray more often daily and INTENTIONALLY as well.
• Daily devotion. :)

My body is the temple of God, it is for my own good and realign my life to Him. Today is a new beginning.

Here's to days that are either just bright, or brighter.

The verse that has been recurring in my life lately and it didn't hit till I saw it on my laptop before jotting down my very depressed thoughts from this ache in finding a job... Why am I to worry when I've trust in a God who is greater than all, who knows the VERY BEST for me. Who also WANTS the best for me and to PROSPER me, even however broke I am right now. In my times of distress, I forget all of who You are and I'm sorry Lord. Take all of me, break me and mould me into someone that stands rooted in You, giving my very best to everyone You lovingly place around me and may You work through me.

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Happy 5th month Spods.

I've already done a post dedicated to this on Instagram but... Here it is! 

"5 months soon with this boy, thank you for sticking it out with me through thick and thin. For not just loving my good but embracing my 'pain-in-the-butt' moments. I thank God for your patience, for a heart of forgiveness He has so lovingly placed in you and also your determination. You've taught me what it means to strive with a heart of passion for the things I so desire and eagerness to learn especially in regards to music. Thankyou for climbing over your own barriers and then over mine just to help me out and pull me out of my times of distress. I pray that may you continue to persevere in your studies, your music as you continue being this passionate, loving guy. Love ya, MANFRIEND :P"

Mulberries

This is a photo taken on one of the last few weeks of OCF where we had an influx of mulberries brought in.

We took this photo because of the stain these berries left as we indulged heartily. :) May I be just like a mulberry, sweet, pleasing to God and leaving a positive legacy in this world with my stains.

Looking forward to a productive summer! Working, hopefully studying for my supp paper, embark on my music life again and start practising on the uke and drums more. :) Hopefully by the end of summer I would be able to get a secondhand, upright piano too! Hope to get back into it all and start jam sessions with Nick and whoever else who would be keen on joining us.

I hope that one day, I'll be able to play for OCF as well. :)

Braces

Today is supposedly the beginning to three and a half months of holiday as I just did my last paper for my first year at Uni. Honestly, I hope to get supp papers so I can put in more effort, have more time and be given that second chance I *cough* honestly don't deserve.

On another note, braces are my little dosage of joy. They may hurt due to the tightening but the colours make me so so so happy :)

Meeting Cassidy tonight, I can't wait. :) I can't wait to open and share my life with this family who are so lovingly opening up their hearts to me too and welcoming me in.

Going to start blogging more frequently as well! :)