little window.

Okay, so I've been missing for quite some time and year 11 is honestly a mad train ride, I won't lie though I look like I'm on holiday everyday. Honestly, hate letting people know how I'm like when I'm studying or working hard. Not a closet mugger, I love studying with friends just don't like it when someone who's not studying thats spying on me. :\

ANYWAYS, that photo a day was a fail.. Clearly hahaha but I'll just try to find the time to post all that I owe.


Right now, I feel like I don't exactly belong anywhere again. It's just that I'm constantly moving I guess and I don't get to settle well.. The ones I feel most myself are probably moving on with life too, some are those I want to treasure but honestly doesn't feel too welcoming anymore.. & those I'm alright with aren't exactly like me who needs to socialise outside of school..
& sometimes I feel like a one man party on my own which is kinda pathetic, I feel like I'm on a road trip down to social suicide to be frank. I've been going out and all, not complaining but like I said before all of that with the different groups of people... I don't know.


The walls I'm building around me, all the fears I have from the past, silly but how can I just brush it off? I don't understand yet I'm liking where this is now yet I feel that why couldn't there be more.


This tunnel is not easy, it seems never ending, I feel like I'm fading, I'm pushing on, persevering yet hitting the walls of this tunnel so constantly. Just need my bestfriend now... But I don't know it seems funny how we've not spoken for 2 months now. Maybe everyone's gone without me knowing, I just don't understand.

Sitting in silence, behind a screen and all I could do was stare in helplessness.

Isn't it clear that the time is coming soon? I mean, it's a happy thing right? But before that, things happening, people suffering, people dying, people wanting to take over the world, natural disasters, bush fires, tsunami, cyclone, floods, earthquakes.. We tell ourselves we want to make a difference, we want to stop all these but what are we truly doing? Just slump back into your chair and sigh then moving on with life? It looks like we're doing just that. I don't expect everyone to jump before the gun and cry in protest but really, are we doing anything at all? Take those living in Australia for example; we hear news, we read it be it papers or mobile phones or even twitter and facebook, a frown invades our happy heart, we look at gory pictures and cry a little inside but we carry on with life anyway. We over eat, we splurge, we waste water, we chuck whatever food we 'don't like' away. Someone out there, be it a beggar in the city or a child in africa or a family in a war-torn place don't get this privilege to separate what he/she prefers. We complain how the weather is so hot when someone is probably crying for warmth, for clothes or maybe something more.. Love. We tell our parents how "dumb" they are or how they "don't know you well" by cooking veggies and placing them on your plate but someone out there is crying to just hear their parent's voice just one more time. "They don't deserve it" we'd say. Yes, they are those who love their parents and lost them to something so tiny be it a bullet or AIDS. Ungrateful aren't we? IDIOTS AREN'T WE? & Everyday we're living like we rule this world.

WHO IS THE RULER OF THIS EARTH? I don't know about you but right now I watch these things and all I can do is PRAY. Believe in Jesus or not, don't you think He deserves more credit than "someone who didn't exist" or "a myth" or "just another human being." Because what or how has He wronged you? So many records have proven that he has existed. If someone in hundred years down the road were to say I, Marilyn Ho didn't exist, it'd just be a one time off argument because I'm not important enough to be argued about. But look, Jesus has been in many debates for thousand of years. Starting with, "He's not the Messiah" to "He doesn't exist." THINK ABOUT IT, IRONY don't you reckon?

We're all lost. Lost sheep. Wondering, eating off each other, killing each other, what are we doing really? I can tell you straight flat, one thing we're def doing is being selfish.

I don't know how or why,
but I just lost all of my confidence and all I really feel like doing now, is just to fade away..


I'm scared.
& It's been a very extremely long while since I have had this emotion..

valentine's day 2011.

So it's valentines huh. Well honestly, it's just another day the comes and go. Nothing special and doesn't need to be! :)
So I've gotten lazy with the photo a day but okay... I'll try to catch up.

There's something out there that I've been keeping my hopes up. I know I shouldn't because I know I'd just end with disappointment but if it ever does come true, it'd be amazing, I'd be so in awe and well it's just so new to me.

So the songs that I listened to to take that one moment in time away was the song I picked to listen to first and it all came rushing back again. One major mistake you'd say but I guess I can't help how vulnerable and naive I can be.

Photo Challenge: Day 14 - A picture of you pulling a silly face.

(late posting)

a few silly faces. :)