Thoroughly blessed through the simplicities of life.

I thank God for bringing me through this first year of uni and really holding me together as this year has been one that is filled with major ups and downs but I am more than grateful for how God has sustained me through out. Certainly would not have been able to, so many times I would have just done something stupid to jam stop it all mainly because life gets overwhelming and we start to focus on our pain instead of the One who can CARRY us through.

I'll probably do an annual reflection at the end of this year, highlighting in points of major ups and downs of 2013 like I usually do at the end of every year and set new goals for next year as well. As for now, this week alone has been and will continue to be one of the most humbling weeks of my year. I'm just so so so in awe and humbled at how I've been so thoroughly blessed and getting answered prayers, be it said or unsaid but definitely on my heart. I thank You, Lord.

1. Bringing me through study week, I would honestly say, it's better than last semester!
2. Blessing me with a friend who was willing to employ me for a day just so to kick start my bank account again! THANK YOU OLIVIA!!!
3. Having loving parents who provide and accommodate for my stressful week.
4. Having loving friends to push me on, to persevere and study on!
5. For allowing me to draw closer to some of the OCF girls that I've always wanted to.
6. Reigniting in me the passion for HIS name!
7. Blessing me through Shane to want to pick drums back up again! :)
8. For providing me with a drum set once I was determined to start again! :O
9. Blessing me with not one, but TWO babysitting jobs that would definitely mould me.
10. Girl's D materials are here and ready for collection!!! :)
11. Ortho appointment this week and I am excited to change colours and gear up for the Christmas mood! :)
12. Carrying me through my first paper today, a unit I have been very shaky with throughout this sem!
13. For very caring, loving friends, SHOUT OUT TO BOENINCK-JEMEHBECK, KALEM (Thank you for looking out for me), SHERRIE (Sorry for making you worry ): )AND GUS, thank you so much for your lovely cooking!
14. Blessing me with a loving boyf :3 Who took me through my most ugliest moments this week, I'm sorry love ): But thank you, always.
15. Grateful for Subi72, to so lovingly giving me a boost pack! (':
16. Grateful for sisters who are constantly there for me.
17. Grateful for finalising (THE BEST!) accommodation back in Singapore!
18. Fitness increase through pole dancing classes, YEAH YEAH FITNESS! Starting this Wednesday!
19. GETTING MAH SLIDE THIS THURSDAY HERE'S TO A BOOYEAH!
20. Most of all, I thank You Lord, for sustaining me through this big week. :)

In this masquerade

In this masquerade

Close your eyes and take my hand,

May we forget time and remember us.

Escape reality, embrace clarity

And may the rest of the world fade.

When you build that pedestal,

When you are known to the world,

May they love you just like how I do.

I’ll always be here to support you with all I am.

I’ll be ready to catch you when you fall,

I’ll be ready to pull you up and dust you off.

Oh may we dance in love,

Bask in it’s glory,

Reflect it’s glow as you hold me close.

May we sing in harmony,

To the beat of love’s melody.

Remember us, forget these rusts

Wipe these cascading tears of hurt

And dance with me in this masquerade.

I mean the best for you love,

Always to build and never tear.

Let you in my heart,

Oh please, may you stay.

I’ll be ready to catch you when you fall,

I’ll be ready to pull you up and dust you off.

May we dance in this love,

Bask in it’s glory,

Reflect it’s glow as you hold me close.

May we sing in harmony,

To the beat of love’s melody.

Remember us, forget these rusts

Wipe these cascading tears of hurt

And dance with me in this masquerade.

Through our brokenness,

May we fit perfectly like we’re meant to be.

Taking our masks off, as our night comes to an end.

Leaving that sting aside,

cherishing every moment of tonight.

May we dance in this love,

Bask in it’s glory,

Reflect it’s glow as you hold me close.

May we sing in harmony,

To the beat of love’s melody.

Remember us, forget these rusts

Wipe these cascading tears of hurt

And dance with me in this masquerade.

Sit in my tenderness

The Heart is Where You Belong

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 I’m sorry I dragged us down into this mess
Kicking and screaming for the wrong team, the wrong reasons
I messed up, I faltered, I failed you
But you rescued me nonetheless, out of love

 I’m sorry I was so strong-willed and stubborn
Putting up a brick wall blocking you out
I should’ve listened, adhered and accepted
Instead I kept on driving ahead

You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 I’m sorry I made you feel so uneasy
You’re my number one, but I wasn’t making that clear
I love you, adore you, cherish you too
Don’t let go and I won’t let you fall

 I’m sorry you had to question your choices
The sanctity of our unison was being soiled
I’ll do anything you wish, so I can deserve you
 I’ve messed up and I want to make things right

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 Look at us now
Moving towards better days
It seems like some distant past
Now and forever, forever and always

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong

The heart is where you belong

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Reading this, made me weak.I teared because I know how hard it is for you to string words together let alone write a song that carries such weight in meaning. Thank you... You went that extra ten thousand miles just to show me how much you love, care and cherish this. me. us... I wasn't angry because I honestly have already forgiven you from the beginning knowing you were just being you... I guess sometimes change, is the only way we allow loved ones to stay and change may not entirely be bad, but sometimes it changes not just your own life, but others too in an amazing impactful way. :) I love you. (':

Shaken.

I have once struggled with the addiction to slashing my arms and I have not made a single slit since 2009, praise God! But even though I have proclaimed that as my past, I won't lie that it is a constant struggle to not get back into it. It has been alright in shutting these thoughts away until recently this year... This year has been a very trying year... Lost friends, felt alone, made decisions I struggled through and encountering my past right in front of me... The feeling of it goes something like if you have once smoked before, at one scent of a cigarette, a toxic yet strange craving in you is suddenly awaken. Like you just entered the cave of a wild beast living in you.

Life as you can tell is slowly getting stressful especially at school and wanting to keep up with people but I simply lack the time. It's definitely my responsibility to make it work but for now, I know I definitely need to catch up on school.

Negativity has started flooding me and honestly, I'm not surprised if this is another trial but to add on top of these thoughts, loose comments from very dear ones is adding to this toxic these thoughts are boiling...

"I can't do it." "This is it." "Just one?" "Just one and it will send this monster away." "Life is not worth it." "You're going to fail." "You're getting fat." "You're ugly." "You suck." "Eww, Marilyn." "You don't have as many commitments, yet you can't do it!?" "You're boasting." "Why are you so proud?" "You're not that great." "Just leave." "You're not worthy." "Escape it all." "Run away." "Just do it." "It's your fault." "Everyone leaves anyways." 

Tonight was the pinnacle of this... Thoughts of leaving in the car, being selfish and just jam stop it all... So broken... So I started texting Puan because I am thankful for that little bubble of wisdom that God managed to squeeze in... She reminded me, Philippians 4:8

"...You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not to curse..."

"Ah..."

How true those words are, how when we enter a time of authentic worship, its just God in our mind and hearts... So I did as the verse says, listened to the newest Hillsong album, Glorious Ruins. & I'm reminded that "He's the God who saves, He's the hope I hope, reaching out Your hand as Your people call."

Because I'm limited.

I honestly think I've hit an emotional low... I'm stressed with school work, negativity has over written thoughts of optimism, self-confidence has seem to plummet, giving into being in this corner, yes, it's my fault. It is...

Oh Daddy, may I find rest, comfort, content and joy in You... Because I don't think I can do this alone..

"The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you; Don't ever forget that!"

Hebrews 13:5