Sit in my tenderness

The Heart is Where You Belong

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 I’m sorry I dragged us down into this mess
Kicking and screaming for the wrong team, the wrong reasons
I messed up, I faltered, I failed you
But you rescued me nonetheless, out of love

 I’m sorry I was so strong-willed and stubborn
Putting up a brick wall blocking you out
I should’ve listened, adhered and accepted
Instead I kept on driving ahead

You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 I’m sorry I made you feel so uneasy
You’re my number one, but I wasn’t making that clear
I love you, adore you, cherish you too
Don’t let go and I won’t let you fall

 I’m sorry you had to question your choices
The sanctity of our unison was being soiled
I’ll do anything you wish, so I can deserve you
 I’ve messed up and I want to make things right

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

 Look at us now
Moving towards better days
It seems like some distant past
Now and forever, forever and always

 You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong
The heart is where you belong

You shouted out to me, but I wouldn’t listen
You pleaded, pleaded, pleaded, but I didn’t budge
You gave me so many chances when I was blind
It was only when you scared me, I knew I was wrong

The heart is where you belong

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Reading this, made me weak.I teared because I know how hard it is for you to string words together let alone write a song that carries such weight in meaning. Thank you... You went that extra ten thousand miles just to show me how much you love, care and cherish this. me. us... I wasn't angry because I honestly have already forgiven you from the beginning knowing you were just being you... I guess sometimes change, is the only way we allow loved ones to stay and change may not entirely be bad, but sometimes it changes not just your own life, but others too in an amazing impactful way. :) I love you. (':

Shaken.

I have once struggled with the addiction to slashing my arms and I have not made a single slit since 2009, praise God! But even though I have proclaimed that as my past, I won't lie that it is a constant struggle to not get back into it. It has been alright in shutting these thoughts away until recently this year... This year has been a very trying year... Lost friends, felt alone, made decisions I struggled through and encountering my past right in front of me... The feeling of it goes something like if you have once smoked before, at one scent of a cigarette, a toxic yet strange craving in you is suddenly awaken. Like you just entered the cave of a wild beast living in you.

Life as you can tell is slowly getting stressful especially at school and wanting to keep up with people but I simply lack the time. It's definitely my responsibility to make it work but for now, I know I definitely need to catch up on school.

Negativity has started flooding me and honestly, I'm not surprised if this is another trial but to add on top of these thoughts, loose comments from very dear ones is adding to this toxic these thoughts are boiling...

"I can't do it." "This is it." "Just one?" "Just one and it will send this monster away." "Life is not worth it." "You're going to fail." "You're getting fat." "You're ugly." "You suck." "Eww, Marilyn." "You don't have as many commitments, yet you can't do it!?" "You're boasting." "Why are you so proud?" "You're not that great." "Just leave." "You're not worthy." "Escape it all." "Run away." "Just do it." "It's your fault." "Everyone leaves anyways." 

Tonight was the pinnacle of this... Thoughts of leaving in the car, being selfish and just jam stop it all... So broken... So I started texting Puan because I am thankful for that little bubble of wisdom that God managed to squeeze in... She reminded me, Philippians 4:8

"...You'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not to curse..."

"Ah..."

How true those words are, how when we enter a time of authentic worship, its just God in our mind and hearts... So I did as the verse says, listened to the newest Hillsong album, Glorious Ruins. & I'm reminded that "He's the God who saves, He's the hope I hope, reaching out Your hand as Your people call."

Because I'm limited.

I honestly think I've hit an emotional low... I'm stressed with school work, negativity has over written thoughts of optimism, self-confidence has seem to plummet, giving into being in this corner, yes, it's my fault. It is...

Oh Daddy, may I find rest, comfort, content and joy in You... Because I don't think I can do this alone..

"The Lord will never leave you nor forsake you; Don't ever forget that!"

Hebrews 13:5

We know the end, we just pretend.

"I'll miss you. Everything is just so wrong and I don't belong and I'm just living in your precious memories."

Podpod adventures! :D

Exploring train tracks at Kent St Weir with Spods! 

Knowing Shane is still in his little bubble of tastes and food of this world, I've decided to try something out with him... Introduce him to my childhood snacks that carries not just familiar tastes (to me) but also share their significance of them in my growing up years in Singapore! In regards to that, we went Asian snack grocery shopping today!

Questions I asked:
1. First impression
2. Outside appearance, what did you expect
3. Taste
4. Anything interesting?

What we tried today and Shane's responses:
White Rabbit milk candy

- Since it stated milk candy, he was expecting the taste.

- Expected it to be chewy :)

- Tasted like milk chocolate to him! :o

- All checked out.

What it means to me:

While growing up, this has been the candy that would be shared out at school and be usually found around Chinese new year in my family because my cousins absolutely love them. Since then, there has been cases of poisoning in this lollies that made their popularity die a little but since then have been under strict supervision so... All good! It's not exactly my favourite candy out there but I know I love that transparent plastic-like wrapping each lolly that I had doubts about eating when I was just a little kid. Until I tasted the edge and felt it melt away in my mouth. :)

Onion Rings chips

"1. Like plain Cheezles. 2. Looks like Cheezles. 3. Bland. Where's the onion? 4. All checks out."

I've never really taken fancy in this to be honest... But Melanie and Melissa did like this though. Thought maybe we should give it a try especially since I've not had them in a while. :)

Sparkling apple drink

"1. Bottle with can lid 2. Fizzy apple drink. 3. Sparkling apple juice. Would drink again. 4. Pretty normal. Packaging is cool."

I remember seeing these cool looking cans in vending machines and I would beg mum to buy me one while growing up simply because I love them cans!

Pocky

"1. Chocolate on a stick. Can't go wrong. 2. See #1. 3. Chocolate was a bit rich. 4. Pretty normal."

Went through a Pocky phase before in my life while I was living in Shanghai. In shanghai there are heaps of flavours and different types such as mousse and additional toppings on them. I was very addicted to these while I was in Shanghai to a point that I would have one almost once every two days at least! Friends identified it to me as well and would usually buy me a box of these lovely things just to cheer me up then. :)

Kickapoo

"1. Fizzy drink. Should be fine. 

2. Apparently it's like Mountain Dew? 

3. I've had this before. Lemon lime mineral water. 

4. Can buy cheaper in Coles :P " 

Taste seems different as to how I remembered it but it sure does bring back memories of Singapore because other than Singapore and Malaysia, I've never seen this. I would usually get a can of this when I visited my grandparents back when I was little at Jurong and sure reminds me of the times I've spent at their place drinking this drink.

Hello Panda

"1. Some chocolate and biscuit combo? 

 2. Chocolate. I'm keen. 

 3. Heavenly. Divine. Would definitely buy again. 

4. Seemed normal." 

 Hello Panda has always been a delight to have though I am fully aware I did go through an obsession phase with these as well to a point I did feel sick after having wayyyyyy too much and I remember moving onto the vanilla flavoured ones just to get away from the chocolate ones for a bit. This was the snack that I would buy at the school canteen in 2007, Secondary 1 (Year 7) and sneak it into our English class. A group of us rebel girls would sit at the back, right next to the back door, 4 of us sharing packs and packs of hello pandas. Once we ran out and if we still had half an hour of our class, we'd send one person to the canteen to buy a few more and stuff them under our shirts so we wouldn't get caught eating in class! 

 Fruit pudding 

 "1. Jelly maybe.

2. Custardy jelly?

3. Tastes like frozen yoghurt, but thicker like custard.

4. Haven't had stuff like it. Tastes normal though." 

We use to have heaps of these while growing up though my memory of these was when we got them from the supermarkets in Johor Bahru (Malaysia) when we went on trips as a family. I love the little coconut bits in there to a point I would eat the rest of the pudding and leave my little collection of coconut bits in there and have them last. :3 

 We have more fruit pudding in the fridge, so till next time... We'll figure this fruit pudding out. :P

Egg Tarts!

Well, we didn't buy these. The 'rents got them from the bakery at Spencer Village but hey! Asian food that Shane has never had! So here we go:


"1. Looks like a custard tart. 
2. Not sure if sweet or savory. 
3. Weird combination of egg a short crust. Good though. 
4. Haha egg tart. Sounds silly, but it's nice."

Egg tarts are definitely a big thing in a Chinese family. I cannot remember my first neither can I remember my last but as far as I'm concerned, I did have a phase of these too... I know, I know... But I can't help it. I'm that happy fat kid that would eat till my brain shuts down and my tummy remembers the taste and adds it to the list of "horror"... When Melanie was still living in Perth, she would bake these fairly often to give to people simply because it's not common here in Perth and its pretty simple to make. I would still have them in moderation now... Lesson learnt!